One of the things I practice these days is what Phit n’ Phat calls, “staying within the 2’s.” See that chart over there? It’s a magical chart that tells you in .002 seconds if you are actually hungry or if you’re eating for another reason. It’s not as easy as it sounds and takes practice, practice, practice. And that’s fine… I’ve got LOTS of time since I’m pretty sure I’ll be eating for at least a few more years 😉
The “easy” part is waiting to eat when you are actually hungry. The challenge is stopping at +2 and tossing out or putting away the rest of the food. I’ve been at this for 6ish months and this is still what goes on in my brain when I am practicing…
“I am definitely hungry… I think. No, I def am. :::Makes a salad::: OMG my mouth is literally watering this looks so good- WAIT that’s one of the signs I’m supposed to look for! Ok 2 bites in; I should start watching for +2. There’s usually a ‘sigh.’ Was that a sigh or just a deep breath? Was that a sigh? Did I sigh because I am thinking about sighing or because I’m satisfied? Are sighs like yawns? Great now I’m yawning. Whelp- salad is gone. I don’t feel stuffed or full, but I’m not hungry anymore. WAIT– this is it! This is the +2! But would I have found it if I had made a bigger salad…… “
“My wife was working in the garden by that afternoon!”
“Oh, when I had it done, I worked the next day and I was fine.”
“Don’t worry… it’s a breeze!”
::::insert Morgan Freeman voice here::::
It was not a breeze.
Maybe because I’ve never had surgery before? Maybe because the fates aligned and gave me a cold AND a stomach flu* aka ‘pissing out my asshole’ the day after the surgery? Maybe because I am a giant fucking baby?
Writing this… I am wondering if maybe the fates (aka Universe aka God aka The Spirit aka Mother Earth aka aka aka aka…..) DID align and gave me that cold and stomach flu to slow me the hell down and teach me to check myself before I wreck myself!!? I LITERALLY asked the doctor BEFORE I WAS EVEN FULLY OUT OF ANESTHESIA when I could go jogging. (Ok, keepin’ it real… I TRIED to ask that, made no sense, and Lonnie had to interpret my nonsense to the doctor).
I am SO DAMN FOCUSED ON BEING STRONG AND TOUGH, and on people thinking I am. It’s really stupid. It’s something I need to learn to let go of. Done. It’s gone. Hi. I’m Colleen and there is no such thing as a “strong person” or a “weak person.” There are only different reactions made by different people to different situations. And MY reaction to having a tubal ligation/cauterization…
I was nervous and scared beforehand than I expected.
I had no idea my throat would hurt so much from the intubation (but it turned out I also had a cold/flu thing so maybe that isn’t always quite so rough).
My lower stomach area was painful for 2 days and then just “weird” feeling– almost felt like something was in there that shouldn’t have been, and was considering pulling an “Alien”– for about a week after and still feels slightly uncomfortable today– a week later, because when I sit, all my pants dig into the very spot where they went in with the …tools?
I still haven’t jogged or exercised in any way AND THAT’S OK! (Planning on it for tomorrow though. I think I’m ready!)
I write this because I hope someone like me reads this post and doesn’t feel like a “failure” like I did when I wasn’t out jogging 2 days post-op and when I couldn’t work last Friday (3 days post-op) like I had planned. When I finally realized the most important thing I needed to do was CHILL THE FUCK OUT and give myself the time to relax and recover, my whole mindset changed and I was able to kind of even ENJOY my time off work, exercise, and cleaning!
*We know it was a flu/virus and not a reaction to surgery because it’s now in the capable hands of the Mr. of the house 😉 And also because my doctor and google said so.