Colleen eats and thinks and eat thinks.

hungerscale
Phit n Phat hunger scale

One of the things I practice these days is what Phit n’ Phat calls, “staying within the 2’s.” See that chart over there? It’s a magical chart that tells you in .002 seconds if you are actually hungry or if you’re eating for another reason. It’s not as easy as it sounds and takes practice, practice, practice. And that’s fine… I’ve got LOTS of time since I’m pretty sure I’ll be eating for at least a few more years 😉

The “easy” part is waiting to eat when you are actually hungry. The challenge is stopping at +2 and tossing out or putting away the rest of the food. I’ve been at this for 6ish months and this is still what goes on in my brain when I am practicing…

“I am definitely hungry… I think. No, I def am. :::Makes a salad::: OMG my mouth is literally watering this looks so good- WAIT that’s one of the signs I’m supposed to look for! Ok 2 bites in; I should start watching for +2. There’s usually a ‘sigh.’ Was that a sigh or just a deep breath? Was that a sigh? Did I sigh because I am thinking about sighing or because I’m satisfied? Are sighs like yawns? Great now I’m yawning. Whelp- salad is gone. I don’t feel stuffed or full, but I’m not hungry anymore. WAIT– this is it! This is the +2! But would I have found it if I had made a bigger salad…… “

There is a hunger scale podcast you can listen to if you’re into that kind of thing…  Click Here for Ep. 52 Hunger Scale

Overheard in my weight loss forum…

“Gross. I don’t come here to see big fat asses jiggling around,” pixie-of-a-girl said loudly to her friend at the gym, ensuring said fat-assed woman would hear.

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“Oh my god, I wish I could wear a shirt like that. I would never feel comfortable with my arms out like that,” said to me when I posted a post-workout photo in my favorite fun tank top. (Note: I didn’t take this as her suggesting anything was wrong with MY arms, but I was sad she felt so badly about her own.)

“I want to walk, but I don’t want the whole neighborhood to see me out walking because I’m embarrassed.” said by so many. Too many. swap out ‘walk’ for ‘gym’ and there are umpteen more.

These posts make me so sad. And angry. This morning I was jogging down Route 1a (aka Main Street), thinking about these posts, and then crafting this blog in my head. A social-worker-at-heart; I want to help everyone. I want to find out what the pixie girl has gone through to make her behave so cruelly. I want to force every fat chick in the world to wear cute, funny tank tops until they don’t give their arms a second thought. I want to teach people who are embarrassed to exercise to NOT GIVE A FUCK about what other people are thinking!

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE ASSHOLES!

Pixiegirl McFatshamer’s life brought to a place where she thinks it’s ok, and maybe even FUNNY, to be nasty. Her behavior has NOTHING to do with you. She has a black spot in her heart that needs healing. That’s HER issue; NOT yours. Think about it this way… You own a company. Fatchick McWorkout and Pixie McFatshamer are applying for jobs. Who do you hire? Fatchick McWorkout and Pixie McFatshamer are standing in the Karma or Heaven or whateveryoubelieve line: Who is getting promoted or heavened or whatever?

It is not lost on me as I jog down 1A that some of the people driving past me are having nasty thoughts, laughing at me with their friends, or making snarky comments. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. It is also not lost on me that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, one person will see my fat ass jiggling along and my eyes black-and-blue because my “good jog bra” was in the wash today, and think, “Wow…. if she can do it, maybe I can too!” And that makes me happy 🙂

I shoulded myself

screenshot_20180908-152911_instagram7622036206274700989.jpgA couple things my guru, Corinne Crabtree, preaches are coming into play hardcore this lately.

  1. If you want to make a big LASTING change, you have to make several micro-changes to head you down that road.
  2. Stop shoulding on yourself. (Say it out loud. It’s fun!)  (Here’s a link to one of her podcasts focused on shoulding, but she talks about it a lot!)

I want to get up and exercise before work a couple days a week because of my busier schedule does not allow me time to get exercise in after work/school/internship. I put it on my schedule last week twice and it didn’t happen. Wednesday morning the air was delightfully cold and dry and my husband was delightfully warm and snuggly. Yesterday, I just plain didn’t want to get up- and I had a headache.  In review, I see super-early-A.M. exercise doesn’t belong  on my plan yet until I have practiced getting up at 5:30am. By putting it on my schedule, I am setting myself up for failure and telling myself I don’t have to follow my own schedule. I have spent my entire life quitting on myself and teaching myself how to quit on myself by setting myself up for failure and accepting failure as the truth of who I am. Someone who starts things. Lots of things. So many things. Sad. (<— hahaha @ me channeling my inner Trump).

Back to early morning exercise. I have already made several of the micro-changes needed to get me to this goal…

  • I don’t stay up late anymore
  • I get up pretty early now already (just not 5:30ish ) in comparison to 2 years ago me who sometimes slept until I had to work at noon. NOON!
  • I’ve made exercise part of daily life. I decided long ago on a daily minimum of 15 minutes. Literally everyone has 15 minutes to do SOMETHING- even if bedtime has rolled up on ya… you can do 15 minutes of bedtime yoga. 15 minutes may not seem like much, but 1. 90% of the time I go much longer and 2. 15 minutes is better than zero minutes. 3. Doing this has created a solid foundation for me to build on.

One thing I know Corinne would recommend is an accountability partner. I am fighting this one because, well, shit. I guess because I don’t want to really do it. Damnit. As I type this out, I guess I need to find one. BUT HERE ARE MY GREAT EXCUSES NOT TO….

  • I don’t like people. Especially new people. I’m in Corinne’s facebook group and because she did a recent talk on accountability partners, they are all posting asking for partners and stuff and I am like….EW. NO NEW PEOPLE!  WHAT IF THEY ARE NEEDY AND WANT TO BE, LIKE…. FRIENDS!!??? GROSS! LOL
  • I don’t keep my phone in my room at night, so having someone that texts or calls me at 5:30 isn’t going to work.
  • I am barely responsible for my own shit, let alone someone else’s!
  • I have Lonnie. (However… you read above and saw how well that has worked out so far)

I just texted my bff Nicole. I think she does morning shit.  Is that cheating?  Should I be broadening my horizons with that whole ‘new people’ thing? Hmmmm…….

So this week’s plan: Get up at 5:30 every day. Not putting the early morning exercise on the plan this week, but if I feel like it, I’ll do it. But as long as I get up… I’m showing up for myself!