Dear Diary, It has been 7 days since I last listened to Dr. Laura. I went as far as to let my Sirius Radio subscription lapse, just to get off the sauce 😉 While I am starting to feel cleansed of bitchy, judgmental, righteousness, I miss the chatter, the conversation, the stories of the people who call! My lifestyle and job leave me with a LOT of listening time as I am aLONE aLOT, but busy doing things.  I’ve tried a few podcasts and nothing hooked me in.

Before I was big non-book-reading loser, I used to read books …ALL THE TIME! Then for some reason, I couldn’t anymore. I just can’t sit and focus and read without my mind wandering. Magazines? yes. Articles? HELL YES…. ALL DAMN DAY! But books…. No.  And these days I have to read so much stuff for school, I don’t even want to THINK about reading.Screenshot_20170411-102955

The other day I was watching a makeup video and she was talking about her love of audible, so I thought I’d give it a try.  (Ok, ANOTHER try, I’ve tried listening to books before and that whole mind wandering thing resulted in me spending more time rewinding to try to find where I stopped listening.)

Long story long….

I am currently listening to The Handmaid’s Tale which is RIGHT UP MY ALLEY!!  I loooooooove me some post-apocalyptic/dystopian society shit! (If you have read this already, you see the irony that I left Dr Laura and jumped into this….) I LOVE THIS!!! I can listen in the car… and anywhere in my house, I can just say, “Alexa, open the Handmaid’s Tale,” and off we go!

I haven’t yet decided if I will keep Audible after the free trial, we are TRYING to have LESS 14.95, 9.99, 12.95/per month things and it seems like every time we get rid of one, we add another. AND THAT’S HOW THEY GET YA!!!!

But… I mean…. I DID cancel my Sirius Radio.…. 😉

Travel Journal: Playa del Carmen. Again :)

moments_c9562aa5-a84b-4204-aa26-718e14e2005d_orig_res.jpgwp-1490135081982.jpgwp-1490135022225.jpgwp-1490135061720.jpgOK, So SOME stuff that happened in Mexico will stay in Mexico…… BUT….

This most recent trip to Playa had it all! Dancing, swimming, sunshine, sea turtles, tequila, shopping, parasailing, eating…… We had an eclectic group of people who mostly didn’t know each other and had a wide array of interests, but it worked!  Only in a place like Playa where you can walk, ferry or cab, to basically anything you could every want to do would this work so well. Everyone pretty much did their thing, and all came together from time-to-time to do stuff. No pressure. No drama. Lonnie pointed out that he was the mom of the trip, and I was the “cool dad.” So basically just like home 😉

Of course, with all that fun, we had to have a some not-fun. That part came Monday night when all the flight cancellations started rolling in to everyone’s phones and we learned that we would not be leaving Tuesday morning as planned, and not Wednesday either. and MAYBE Thursday. And we would be homeless. And also broke since we just lived it up on vacation 😉 So we had to find a cheap place to stay for a couple days.  It was…um…. interesting?  You can read my review if you want to on Tripadvisor   OK, but be ready for some challenges  I will say, the “Talking Spanish Translator App” was AMAZING and hugely helpful. I can usually get by pretty well with my very limited Spanish, but when I’m are trying to ask, “How will we get our $100 deposit back at 330am tomorrow when we leave since there is never anyone at the front desk?” I need to make extra sure nothing is lost in translation 😉

I am HUGELY BIGLY proud of my husband and kids though, and myself! We made the best of our unexpected extra days without lots of cash to throw around. Everyone stayed as positive as possible, and the last day, we actually had an awesome day of a little Mexican food, one last stop at our fav French Patisserie, and a little sunset photo shoot on the beach! A PERFECT way to end our trip and prepare for the grueling 3am-midnight day of travel ahead……..

Winter. (OK… This is mostly really about makeup LOL)

How cool are these little towels my aunt makes!?

As with every winter, even this mild one, I have faced my winter doldrums. My added schoolwork load just makes me even more whiney and blahhhhhhhh. Usually, our yearly winter getaway trip keeps me from just spending the winter under my comforter, but this year (thanks to Jessi),  I ALSO have my new makeup obsession as well.  I am having SO Much FUN playing with makeup every day, buying new stuff, and watching youtube and instagram videos. Even on days I don’t have to go anywhere, I find myself excited to shower and get dressed and sit at our vanity to play.  LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!

Obsessed. Yup.


Some of my favorite stuff right now…

Tartiest Pro Palette

Tarte Maneater mini palette

IT Cosmetics bye bye pores pressed powder (dude. This shit is made of magic.)

Tarte Lights Camera Splashes mascara (super natural looking and waterproof – – which is good when you are a crisis worker sometimes!)

Too Faced Better Than Sex Waterproof mascara – – more glam, almost looks like falsies. (I save this one for going out and about ;-))

And some of my favorite YouTube makeup peeps….

And when I feel like keeping it real and not pretending I am 20….  lol
My always-contagious enthusiasm even spread to by BFF and we spent an awesome day just hanging out at my place playing with makeup and watching youtube videos of other people playing with makeup!  It was absolutely wonderful.  We used to spend SO MUCH TIME together, but our lives have changed so much over the years, we have to really make an effort to get that time together!

Buddies since birth!



Stick a pin in 2 more classes done towards my MSW, AND still rockin’ that 4.0, baby! Just started two more on Monday, which means I will have to do HOMEWORK while we are away on VACATION!!  BOO!!!



Nissan Pathfinders: JUST SAY NO


Men don’t have intuition

January 24th 2015 I had a MAJOR “Woman’s intuition moment,” that I didn’t listen to. That was the day we bought the Pathfinder, and for no reason at all, and despite us both having always wanted one since high school, I had a bad, bad feeling.

Not even 2 years and about $3000 dollars later, we waved goodbye to the car from hell.  There are not enough swear words in the urban dictionary to express what we went through with that thing. Not to mention the umpteen times our mechanic said, “I told you…. I am a certified Nissan technician and I would NEVER own a Nissan.” So when the engine started getting louder and louder last week (in addition to some 4wd issue we were avoiding fixing), that was the last straw.  I believe the text I sent to Lonnie said, “Well, I guess take it back over to the shop and I’ll pick you up.”  Followed immediately by, “NO.  FUCK THAT.  Drive it to Darlings.  Don’t care what we have to do or what we get in trade in for it. Fucking done.”

Then I went online to start researching cars and found  And this….wp-1484166536709.jpgThis website certainly was there when we bought the stupid Nissan, and didn’t behave like informed consumers.  Live and learn.  Lesson learned.  I learned when I bought my Escape to keep my eye on the bottom line because car salesman are tricky, and I learned from this Pathfinder to RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH before buying.

The Pathfinder BARELY made to the dealership.  No clue what the problem was this time, I couldn’t care less because that piece of shit is GONE GONE GONE.  We got a great deal on a 2014 Toyota Rav 4 that has great reviews, and a better track record of reliability.  While I am not thrilled about the higher car payment, the peace-of-mind of not exploding on the highway is well worth it!


This week’s lesson

“The only behavior we can control is our own. No one can make us do anything we do not want to do, as long as we are willing to endure the consequences (i.e., punishment for not doing what others want us to do). If we choose to do what others want us to do under the threat of severe punishment, we tend to be passive-aggressive by not performing well. When we try to force others to do what they do not want to do, they may choose not to do it—or choose to also be passive-aggressive by not performing well (Glasser, 1998).”

So there you go. Today I wrote a paper on “Glasser’s choice theory of explanation of human behavior.”  And true to “Colleen behavior,” said paper was due yesterday. See above quote for the reason.  Deadlines. Due dates. Forced reading of shit I don’t want to read. (Ok, that’s not entirely true, most of the stuff I am studying gets me all wound up and ready to throw on my Social Worker Superhero Cape!) Sometimes it gets to me, especially when life gets busy, or I get the stupid flu.  Fortunately, also true to “Colleen behavior,” I always pull it off in the end and somehow have maintained a 4.o.

When researching grad school, I had a choice between brick-and-mortar, or online. I chose online for the flexible schedule and the promise of enhancing my writing skills.  While I absolutely do not regret it, I DO think I made things much more difficult… ok “CHALLENGING,” for myself. Rather than classroom lectures and discussions, it’s reading scholarly journal articles, textbooks, and periodicals, and then formulating a “discussion post,” (in APA format, of course!), and then responding (in APA format, of course!) to other’s “discussion posts” with more reading and research.  So instead of classwork, reading, and maybe writing one or 2 papers a week, it’s basically writing 6-10 papers a week.

It’s all good, though.  It’s tough, sometimes almost insurmountably tough, but it’s wo20161218_154238rth it.  I can already see the difference in my writing from the first class and today.  I have changed my point-of-view on SO. MANY. THINGS. and I LOVE THAT!

Full Disclosure: I had two papers due yesterday and totally made the choice to blow them both off in favor of spending the day with my husband eating grilled cheese sandwiches, drinking, making cookies, watching football, and taking selfies with my puppy. A choice I paid dearly for at 6am this morning. #worthit


Eat. ____. Love.

It’s blizzahd out there, bub! <<insert Maine accent there>>

Here I sit; In my jammies, drowning in phlegm, with enough Sudafed and Dayquil in me to kill an elephant, but not the aching ringing in my ears.  …..and there goes the internet.  Great.  Now what?

DVDS!  We have lots of those hidden away in a drawer for occasions just like this!

“Eat. Pray. Love.”  Why the hell not?

Watching this movie used to be a full-on EXPERIENCE for me.  I would sit there longing of taking my own journey to find what I was missing.  I would daydream of the places I would go.  The people I would meet.  The new life I would build. I would immerse myself into daydreams and plans for days on end after watching.

Today?  Nothing. I don’t need a journey.  I already took it without even leaving the greater Bangor area.  I just had to realize that I was worth more than I gave myself credit for.  I had to open myself up and accept that I needed to change myself, not just my situation.

P.S. I still can’t meditate or even maintain focus through and entire yoga class.  And I’m ok with that!

The Pig

captureWhen I picture “Binge Eating Disorder,” I see a person sitting in the middle of a pile of junk food and empty wrappers in a frenzied, frantic state. I see a woman sneaking away from her family and shoving food down her throat really fast before someone comes into the room.  I see someone digging through trash to find food they had tried to throw away to stop themselves from eating it.  I see someone ordering a salad when out with friends, and then going home and eating their entire kitchen.  Disgusting scenes.  All of them.

That’s not me.  So, of COURSE,  I don’t have “Binge Eating Disorder,” right?  Wrong.  40 years of denial has been fun though. LOL It’s embarrassing. Disgusting. It sounds so much nicer to say things like, “emotional eating,” or “overeating,” or joking about just loving food. 3748156944155719512-account_id=1.jpg

I don’t even remember what triggered the thought I may have this problem.  I do remember that once it occurred to me, I pushed it down and didn’t research it like I usually would for a least a week. I didn’t want to see in print what my heart already knew.

When I did begin to research, I took some quizzes and read some scholarly journal articles, and had to face the facts.It’s been several weeks since I realized that I have a problem, and I am only now feeling like I can blog about it.  But here I am blogging, because I just finished this book and it has been so different from other stuff I have read in my seemingly never-ending-quest-for-thinness.  The book had me when he basically says, ‘you can’t love yourself thin…that’s stupid.

I have committed to some major changes since reading the book and have not waivered, so I think I am on to something here.  So I share, even though I am embarrassed, in case there is even one person out there living the struggle that I can help.  The book is freaking FREE (I have no idea why…..) on Amazon and is electronic so you can start immediately!!!