Day 4 —It’s still a chore.

While I don’t plan to count the days like I did last time.  Today is day 4.  It’s been tough to get back into it.  Sugar does NOT fuck around.  It knows how to find you in your weakest moments and just whisper sweet nothings in your ear. I am still shocked that I didn’t give in to my sweet devil on Tuesday.  I had a long, crazy shift, with no time to eat.  When I finished up with what I hoped would be my last client at 9pm, I dreaded going home and having to prepare something for supper.  I{ was STARVING, to the point of being shaky and irrational.  So I used a lifeline.  I called Lonnie and talked to him on the phone because I knew if  I was talking to him when I passed McDonald’s, I wouldn’t pull in.  It WORKED!  Not only did it work, but I felt empowered enough to take the time to stop at the grocery store and pick up some salad stuff.  ( I LOVE salad!!! —no sarcasm!  I LOVE IT!)

When I got home, I was all ready to make a yummy salad with the stuff I bought, and walked into the kitchen to find a very handsome man cooking me a very late supper.  I was shocked because when we talked on the phone, he was in bed watching TV and settled in for the night.  Damn I love that man!
THIS WEEKS TIPS AND SAVES…

  1. USE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM!  
  2. When the sweet beast was fighting me hard this week, I got a sugar-free iced coffee.  It totally did the trick!  (Yes I know about artifical sweeteners blah blah blah……)

This Birthday girl didn’t eat no cake

Normally when I disappear from the blog, that means I have fallen into a bucket of sugar.  But not this time!  I have found that with all the writing I am doing for grad school, my writing itch gets plenty of scratchin’! 

I celebrated my 42nd birthday on Saturday and I celebrated it with lots of love from family and friends and some super awesome presents, but NO CAKE or ICE CREAM!  I didn’t even want it.  I know that having that stuff will just make me want more and more of it, and I also know that it will make me feel like crap mentally and physically, so I skipped it.  Yes it felt weird.  No I didn’t feel like I was missing out.  Instead Lonnie and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making my FAVORITE spicy chicken Mexican bowls with homemade guac, and because it was my birthday and I am not a masochist, I even had some rice in my bowl.  (ACTUALLY I am reading a great book called ‘Paleo Takeout’ and I learned that there is considerable evidence that white rice is actually NOT the devil that we think it is.  And since I like that information, I am going with it!)  Starting out my 42nd year on earth in this way really feels symbolic, like this is my year. This is the year I get my shit together and shed some serious poundage.  When I finally get that exercise component into play LOOK OUT WORLD!

 https://read.amazon.com/kp/card?asin=B00YPJLASS&preview=inline&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_47l9wb0BGVB89

 

 

HOME!

Today as I slid on my jeans for work…  I was actually planning on probably having to slide them back off again because they were too tight.   NOPE!  If anything,  they were looser!  As planned,  while in Mexico,  I ate and drank everything I wanted to.  Fortunately,  that is a LOT of great fresh Mexican food!  I never really eat junk food in Mexico because it’s all just weird stuff.   Even if I am feeling snacky,  and go into a corner store,  I almost always come out empty handed because 1. I don’t know what anything is and 2. None of it looks appetizing to me. 
My downfall was traveling home.  I am VERY CAREFUL about what I eat around plane trips for fear of a repeat of the puking incident,  but once we got back in Boston …and ended up stranded there for 2 days (thank you American Airlines for losing the one bag with our car keys in it).  I must admit,  all bets were off. A combo of emotions and “let’s eat all the bad stuff before getting back on it Monday, ” led to a weekend of debauchery. 
  • There was Pirate’s Booty
  • There was a mini Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough cup
  • There were cheez its
  • There was chinese take-out
  • There was Carrabas bread and lobster ravioli (with the insides squished out because it was nasty)
  • There were egg Mcmuffins
  • And last night when we got home…  I had a “last meal” of pancakes.

My only saving grace was that it was all vending machine food,  so all small bags 😉
Back to it today.   Fought a lot of urges to make cupcakes and eat bad food because I have a nasty cold and feel like shit.   But I didn’t.  I made  delicious salad (I actually missed salad and craved it in Mexico!),  and Lonnie made a wonderful Pezole soup that was JUST what the doctor ordered for my cold.
I did have an egg Mcmuffin for breakfast because I overslept and then had to rush off to work.   But there are certainly worse things,  and I didn’t let it make me think the whole day was ruined.

Yikers! Days 19, 20 AND 21!

Today is a holiday for the kids, not for me.  So as I am on-call, I just said goodbye to them as they headed off TO THE GYM TOGETHER!!

GOOD LORD I DID SOMETHING RIGHT!!!

Monday selfie- coffee happened much earlier on the road!

The weekend was very blah, but also very YAY!  On Saturday Lonnie was gone all day at a coughcoughgamingconventioncoughcough.  I knew that he would eat “off plan” since he was out all day, so as I drove to the grocery store I gave myself permission to also have a little treat/splurge.  I thought ALL the way there about what I have really missed and really would like and came up with NOTHING.  My old favorite sweet treats like cake… ice cream… candy…. no thanks, the thought of them just made me feel a little sick to my stomach.  (You know… like that feeling you have after eating too many pancakes and then someone offers you a cinnamon bun?)  So no sweets.  Ooooh!  How about chips?  Cheez-its (my lifelone nemesis)?  Saltines?  While I easily could have stomached those things.  I quickly sent my mind to the way I feel after… and during… eating them.  I feel bloated.  I feel unhealthy.  I feel like eating MORE AND MORE AND MORE bad stuff.  THAT was the biggy for me.  Eating those types of foods just makes your body want MORE MORE MORE!  (Which is why cheat days don’t work!)  So I stuck to plan and had no regrets because I felt great all weekend and yesterday watched and listened to Lonnie struggle with feeling “eaty” all day.  (And of course took the opportunity to brag a little about how I was not feeling “eaty” because I didn’t eat crap :::wink:::)

Day 15 and 16

15 steps foward and 1 step back is still 14 steps forward!

I planned like a fiend for my possibly busy Monday.  I made a chopped salad and brought it with me to the office to eat before or between clients.

I did NOT plan for finishing up with a client that took 4 hours, and then being sent in a ‘no-time-to-sit-and-eat-your-salad’ rush to meet with a bunch more clients at a hospital an hour away.

So I left my salad in the fridge for today.   And I got Mcdonald’s.  I could easily have made a better choice by picking up some nuts and fruit or veggies at the store and munching those in the car on the way to Dover.  I could have even still made a reasonable choice at McDonald’s and kept the carbs low by getting an Egg Mcmuffins and not eating the muffin part, but I didn’t do that either.  I got my favorite #2 with the cheesburgers plain.  And it was delicious!  HOWEVER…. I then let it open the floodgates because once at the hospital, one of the doctors had brought in some hot homemade bread and I was all….”well….. I mean I already had Mcdonalds today…….” and had 3 slices, with butter of course 😉

(cough cough and I had a Ghirardelli chocolate caramel square. cough cough)

I woke up this morning feeling gassy and blech.  I am glad I recognized feeling not as good as I have the past few weeks because of food and I am trying to really focus on that and not on how delicious that bread and Mcds was— the chocolate, I honestly didn’t even really enjoy.  I hopped right back onto the wagon this morning and my beautiful salad was patiently waiting for me 🙂

BTW…. I am watching the Biggest Loser and today they are being forced to eat “bad foods” like fettucine alfredo, mac and cheese, nachos, pizza…. You know, all the stuff that made them fat.  And I find it hysterical that they are ALL acting like it doesn’t even taste good and it’s sooooooo disgusting.  That is PURE UTTER BULLSHIT!!  You know they fucking loved every damn bite.  It’s only week 2 for cryin’ out loud, they haven’t ‘lost the taste for junk’ ….honestly I am not sure you EVER lose the taste for fettucine alfredo.  It’s freaking SCIENCE to love that shit!

Day 8 and FEELIN’ GREAT!!!

My weekly Monday morning iced-coffee photo that really illustrates nothing…lol

I have a love/hate relationship with Mondays.  I enjoy my job, and Mondays are usually a day where I get to do the stuff I enjoy doing at work (as opposed to my overnight shifts where sometimes I have to do things that I were prefer not to do).  So I look forward to Mondays.  BUT… like anyone else, I hate when the weekend ends!

“Sticking to it” this weekend went GREAT!  I had a 1/2 cup of rice in my taco bowl, and we put a little honey in our coconut shrimp batter, but all of those are still whole foods, and we kept it to a minimum, so YAY US!  In the past, we have always had a “cheat day.”  This time, since my current goal was is just stick to this for a month, I decided on no cheat days.  This was a little scary.  But you know what I have learned. 

  • Cheat days are BULLSHIT.  
  • Cheat days are just terrible.  
  • Cheat days are wrong.  
  • Cheat days teach you to look forward to a day of gluttony.  
  • Cheat days tell your brain that those are the “good foods” that you look forward to all week.   
  • Cheat days make you have to “start all over again” EVERY WEEK.  Starting in the first place is hard enough!  

  • Cheat days allow you to eat foods that are SCIENTIFICALLY ENGINEERED to make your body crave more, making you literally have to withdraw/detox from all that shit every week.  AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO THAT! 
  • Cheat days always have leftovers that you feel guilty about throwing away (you know… all those starving children in Africa ….or Detroit.), that stare you in the face the next morning begging you to just finish them off to get them out of the house.

EVERY TIME I have gone back to unhealthy eating, it has been when a ‘cheat day’ turned into a ‘cheat weekend,’ turned into a ‘well we don’t anything ‘good’ in the house Monday morning so let’s start tomorrow,’ turned into a, ‘well I am super busy at work and haven’t had time to grocery shop yet, so we may as well just call it off for this week…………..’  Every. Time.

Day 5

SLEEPY! 

I have had probably the WORST work week I have had since becoming a crisis worker, but yet, I woke up today from sleeping after yet another  up-all-night shift feeling fantastic. I feel lighter, have more energy, and feel more mentally in control of things.  LOVES IT!

I went into my shift prepared and armed with a snack of rendered pepperoni chips and cheese.  I actually didn’t get a headache like I usually do on night shifts.  Did still have nausea when the hardcore sleep deprivation kicked in.

Still haven’t made it to the gym and that is driving me bonkers.  Couldn’t have gone today anyway because they closed early and I had to sleep.  Lonnie and I plan to go tomorrow.  That place will be a shit show with all the New Year’s Resolutioners!

Fun low carb research today!  Football snacks….

http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/lowcarbholidaymenus/a/locarbsuperbowl.htm

I think we are going with coconut shrimp and veggies and dip.  CAN’T WAIT!!!!!!!

I also found this that I can’t wait to make and eat for breakfast every morning this week!!!  We also want to try turning spinach artichoke dip into a frittata!  YUM!

Now off to research some low carb cocktails…….