Life got in the way

Boston aquarium and an excuse to show of my man’s sexy arm 😉

It happens.  September arrived, and with it a flurry of activity and emotions.  We started our new fall work schedules (a new schedule that  I LOVE, but was a big change nonetheless), Jessi headed back to UMaine, Sean started 8th grade, Mom came for a surprise visit, we went on our long-awaited long weekend to Boston…….. etc etc etc…..

All were WONDERFUL excuses to not count points and stick to Weight Watchers.  I CAN proudly say that I have continued to exercise!  Yay me!

But now I am at a crossroads of sorts.  I am not feeling WW at all.  I have considered going back to low-carb for awhile.  But honestly…. as of this moment.  I am just feeling sticking to exercise and trying to be more mindful about what I stuff in my face and why I am doing said stuffing.

Speaking of WHY….  Nicole (bff) and I were talking about all my yearly autumn drama
Nicole: Why ARE you such a mess every year at this time?
Me:  I don’t fucking know…  because everything changes and it’s really busy and irritating.
Nicole: Hmmmm…. I think there is more to it then that.  When did your father leave?
Me: Holy shit.
Nicole:  :::::mic drop:::::

Now I have no idea if she is really onto something, but who knows?  Talking with my mom about it, she thinks that if there is a connection there, it would also include moving to Maine a few months beforehand and leaving behind my entire life in Connecticut.  And even if they ARE related, I need to learn to manage my behavior no matter WHAT the reason is for engaging in said behavior. …
Or maybe just work on being less crazy in general.  LOL NAH!!!!  What fun would THAT be!!??

And now some pics from the past couple weeks adventures…..
Sangria and a visit from Mom, which also included an unexpected lovely weekend at a cottage in Northport, Maine.

ONE DIRECTION!!!!  (Yes I am a 13 year old in a forty-something body.)
Jessi’s “new” car and back to school

Sassy new hair… that husband hated.  (“It’s so STRAIGHT?  Where’s my wild-haired girl??”) 

Nothin’ to it but to KEEP DOIN’ IT!!!
Lonnie grillin’ up some Paella during Mom’s visit.
Another gratuitous sexy husband pic.  LOOK AT THOSE CALVES!

Cheese alert. You’ve been warned.

Random web pic from https://energytalkradio.wordpress.com/ but it was this bright! 

Last night on my way home from work, I saw the coolest falling star I have ever seen.  It was HUGE and super bright sailed across the sky for a LONG time.  It was way cool.  After I ooohed and ahhhhed to myself, I suddenly thought,  “Ooooohhhhh I am supposed to make a wish and this was such a neat star that it has to be a good one!!” …..and for the life of me, I couldn’t think of anything I would wish for!!

Thoughts that crossed my mind….

Money:  Well yeah more could be fun, but we have to have to work to earn our fun stuff, which makes us appreciate it more!!  And frankly, rich people don’t seem all that happy. And also… wishing for more just seems greedy since there are so many that have so little.

Skinny!:  Meh.  Sure I want to lose weight, but I am working on it and I don’t want a quick fix since I know that the problem is not my body, it’s my mind!

World Peace:  Yeah I totally went there.  And then thought about the Matrix and how they tried to make a utopia and the program failed because humans thrive on misery or some shit like that.  Oh. my. god. I am such a nerd ROFL

So in the end of this harried thought process (because, you know… there is a short window of wish time…. #science), my final wish was that I stay as happy as I am right now.

For the rest of the ride home, I just thought about all of the things I had to be grateful for (my job that allowed me to see the star in the first place (and that just plain rules), my husband, my two kids who drive me crazy– yet still make sure I know they love me every day, my family, my awesome friends, my giant-yet-cheap apartment……etc etc etc, and then couldn’t sleep when I got home because I was all wound up 😉

#endcheese

BRING ME SOME GODDAMN SNACKS!!!

Usually when I have not blogged in a bit, it’s because I have fallen off the wagon and just don’t want to face that in font.  Today I come back to blogging after a little break still fully entrenched in my weight loss endeavor.  I have even started running again.  Lonnie and I are fast tracking ourselves through Couch to 5k.  We are and doing three run days in a row (which is week in the program), then taking a one day break, then starting another 3 days.  I assume we will hit a road block around week 5 or 6 where we will need to repeat some days, but maybe not!  It’s going well, and even though we are in the midst of a stifling heat/humidity wave, I have been able to easily complete the run segments.  This is not to say I am skipping out there with a giant smile on my face though  😉 

This summer has been a GIANT exercise in self-control and learning to find outlets for my emotions that don’t involve snacks.   We had some family drama that sadly had to result in my ending some relationships that meant a lot to me in order to protect myself.  I still think about that whole thing constantly and it’s definitely still a raw spot.  There has also been a LOT of boredom and frustration sharing a car with Jessi who has been working like a fiend all summer long to buy herself a car. I have been stuck at home car-less almost every day.  I haaaaaate feeling trapped!!!  With all of those triggers though, I must say, I am freaking killing it!  Having the Weight Watchers app… and a very black-and-white husband…  to keep me accountable has been a huge tool for keeping me on track when I just want to throw my arms up in the air and say, “FUCK THIS SHIT…. BRING ME SOME GODDAMN SNACKS!!!”
BUT…. one stressor has now resolved itself… 

I am soooooo proud of her!  She knew that she did not want a car payment while in college and worked her ass off and saved all her money this summer to buy herself a car outright.  While we are not exactly supporters of her Jetta obsession (and I suspect she won’t be either once something breaks and she gets that repair bill 😉 ), we are delighted that she is so happy and got exactly what she wanted!

And I. AM. FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Weight Watchers, Who KNEW!???? …And bullies, too many know :(

OK, a lot of people, lol.  Like millions even.

10.6 pounds down!  WOO EFFING HOOOOOO!!!!

A couple of our favs right now that are keeping us going strong…

Chocolate graham crackers with light cool whip on top and put in the freezer.  I like them better with no top.  I mean isn’t everything pretty and yummy better topless?  😉

Cutting our rice with half cauliflower.  This one is a throwback to our low carb/paleo days.  We used to buy heads of it and food process it, which is kind of a pain in the arse.  But NOW they sell Cauliflower Crumbles in the produce section….  GAME ON!

If you are eating rice with anything on top or mixed in, you will not notice! OK… you may notice the smell of the cauliflower, so make sure whatever you are topping it with is aromatic!  Which leads me to….

This recipe has been life changing.  Lonnie and I are completely in love with it and have had a twice a week since we found it.  The only thing we don’t add is the sesame oil (because we didn’t have any the first time we made it, and it was delicious without it, so why bother now?) or sesame seeds.   We make it in our other life changer…. the Instant Pot.  I have blogged about it before, and we still use it at least 3-5 times a week.  It has replaced our crockpot, pressure cooker (which I was afraid to use anyway), rice cooker, and dutch oven.  It steams stuff, sautes stuff, and makes yogurt I guess, but that’s gross. 

On another note, we have switched gyms from Gold’s to the Y.  We wanted to bring 13yo Sean to work out with us.  He is by no means fat, but he has enough extra fluff that he feels self-conscious and wants to wear sweatshirts every day to cover it up.  We enrolled him at soccer camp this week because he likes soccer and to get him outside moving and off the ps4.  Mid-week he came home and confessed to us that he was being was teased about being fat by some rotten kids and didn’t want to go back.  The issue was dealt with wonderfully by the camp, but nonetheless, it is heartbreaking to see your kid hurt like that.  So I promised him that this was the summer of fixing that problem so that he never has to feel this way again. 

When cupcakes dissappoint….

What a waste

I trying to learn to teach my brain, belly, and mouth to slow their roll.  Settle down.  Be happy with less.

I also know that I must keep all three happy while doing so, or there will be a REVOLUTION!

It’s a delicate balance.

Yesterday Lonnie, Jessi, the pups and I had a simply marvelous day on the coast.  We beached.  We laked.  We downtown Bar Harbored.  Before we left, Lonnie and I even made going for a run a priority.  Yay us!

Jessi and I doing some sick cheerleader moves at Long Pond

As I knew I had plenty of activity points for the day, and I hadn’t eaten much, I decided that this day deserved to be topped off with a little ice cream!   …..then I saw the adorable little cupcake shop with case full of beautiful, delicious looking cupcakes of happiness.  (as an aside…. I have been obsessed with cupcakes lately anyway because I have been watching ‘Cupcake Wars’ on netflix… which honestly, may be the most stupid, most contrived, and most annoying show that I hate, yet keep watching)  Their beauty even inspired Jessi to splurge and have a little wheat (which she knows she will pay for later with belly pain and break-outs).  I couldn’t decide between chocolate with peanut butter frosting and vanilla with oreo frosting, so I bought one of each with the plan to eat half of each.  They wrapped them up in a cute little pink box and we took them home to indulge in later that evening while watching Orange is the New Black.

So much care.  So much anticipation.  So much planning.  Not-on-a-diet me would have gobbled them down while walking down the street or in the car, or the second I got home.  On-a-diet me is trying to learn to eat right most of the time and really savor occasional splurges.

Well screw you, Cupcake place.  All that care, anticipation, and planning.  and they were terrible.  The frosting just tasted like sugar and crisco… little to no flavor at all.  The cake was so crumby and delicate that it basically just disintegrated into a pile of crumbs the second I cut it in half… and also had no flavor.  I didn’t even finish either half because why put something into my body that I am not loving!??  (Which is a foreign concept to not-on-a-diet Colleen.  😉  )

So instead I had a delicious bowl of sweet, buttery, crunchy Capn’ Crunch with ice cold milk.  For less than half the money and about 1/4 the points.

The Capn’ never disappoints.