Back in the saddle again

Screenshot_20170925-141542Bro, I was KILLING it before my vacation with diet and exercise. I was exercising at least 5 days a week and had lost 10ish pounds using MyFitnesspal.  I had planned to keep on slaying the game while in Nashville. Hahahahaha, I love it when I am delusional! I DID exercise (once), and I did a LOT of walking, and a LOT of chores (since the whole point of the trip was to help my mom get some big stuff done around her house), but I also ate cupcakes, a giant bag of my beloved Trader Joes white cheddar corn puffs, ALL the saltines …and a whole lot more!

53371-worlds-puffiest-white-cheddar-corn-puffs
If I could marry a food.

 

It’s SO HARD to get back “on it” when you fall off. After several “tomorrows,” Lonnie and I committed to Monday. <—no air quotes because it actually happened! It feels great to be back in control of myself. I need to remember this feeling next time I want to go off the rails. There is that stupid saying, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels,” and while this is just the shittiest, judgemental,  dumb phrase… there is a hint of truth hidden in there as none of the stuff I have OVEReaten since returning home from vacation (note the “since returning home— I regret NOTHING I did while I was away on vacation!! Not even stopping at Krispy Kreme en route to the waffle house, LOL) tasted as good as it feels to have control over my mind and body.

So HEY! If you want to be “ON IT” with me… hit me up on My Fitness Pal. My username is colleenj74…. (shit… I should probably change that “j” out… Can I even do that??). I even keep my food diary public on there for FULL TRANSPARENCY!! Fair warning: I eat a LOT of marshmallows that I roast over the stovetop 😉

P.S. You CAN change your username ONCE, so my name is now Colleend74!

Dr. Laura hates fat people, and really is an idiot. ​Yet I keep listening.

Dr. Laura:  How tall are you and what do you weigh?
Glutton for punishment: 5′ 6″ 240
Dr. Laura: You are in a medical emergency.  You need to see a doctor right away. And it needs to be a doctor whose expertise is people who are grossly overweight.  You can’t do this on your own, you need to be under a doctor’s care.  A doctor who specializes in people who are GROSSLY. OVER. WEIGHT.
Glutton for punishment: Well I am in a fitness challenge right now where we all exercise and eat right and stuff like that.

Dr. Laura: You shouldn’t be doing that.  I don’t like that.  You are way too far gone to be doing it that way.  You need to see a doctor and maybe have one of those stomach-shrinking procedures. I really don’t like those challenges for people that far gone.  It’s dangerous.

(Dr Laura also tossed in some “lazy, and undisciplined” remarks too, just to make sure she was getting her point across)

14374587_10154554235824810_901377140_o
From this challenge, exercise, and healthy food loving fat chick.  F–K YOU!

 

Grossly overweight.  How about GROSSLY UNPROFESSIONAL!!!???  A person calls you, a “professional,” for advice on why you have trouble staying motivated to lose weight, and you tell her to stop exercising and eating healthy food. And then flippantly insist to her that only an invasive surgery with a 10-50% percent success rate (depending on what study you read) will help her.  I can’t even imagine how disappointed that woman must have been when she hung up that phone. I’ll bet you a dollar that ice cream was consumed soon thereafter, because, why bother?  A “professional” told her that her efforts were useless.

I would say that 80 percent of Dr. Laura’s calls are her telling people to eliminate negative and destructive people from their lives. After 20 years of listening, consider yourself eliminated, Dr. Negative.

 

d354f-20150710_123440
Me.  Somehow living through a jog.  On a hot day EVEN!

 

 

Body acceptance AKA Santa

So dusty…..  Time to clean it up and face reality. 

Today I read a post on Emily Nolan’s blog about her decision to lose weight.  This decision is huge because she is a large part of the ‘body-acceptance-love-the-skin-you’re-in’ movement.  I don’t know her entire life history or anything, but I think she is a plus-sized model.  (Ok… maybe my mind just has her grouped in with Ashley Graham, Danika Brysha and assume she is also a model? …but I DO know that she was doing something with Lululemon at some point, so I think I am right. —hey…there is no research team here at Constant Commentary!)  The backlash on these ‘not size 0’ ladies when they lose weight is absolutely disgusting, but…. I get it.  I would never SAY the horrible things that I see people say on their insta-blog-tweet-fbs, but I get it.

As I read her post today, I was annoyed at her talking about her focus on the numbers on the scale and at the same time trying to say that we should not focus on the numbers on the scale.  I was honestly just annoyed in general, so I sat with that for awhile.  WHY was I annoyed? Who the fuck am I to be annoyed?  I think it boils down to 2 things:

 1. These ladies are our champions in a world that tells us every day that we don’t look like we should, so when they jump ship, we feel betrayed.

2. If they are losing weight, then they never really bought into the fact that you can be pretty AND fat, so we cannot buy into it either.  AND If #2 is the truth, we cannot rest easy (aka LAZY) in just saying “I love my curves!” and burying our heads in the sand about our unhealthy bodies.  And THAT ONE, my friends, stings a bit!

Is there really such a thing as body acceptance when you are fat?  I don’t believe there is.  It’s a myth.  Like Santa.  Something us chubby girls love to believe in, but when Christmas Eve comes along, we all know that fat bastard ain’t fittin’ down no chimney.

Sometimes you see things exactly when you need to.  I’ve been going pretty hard at fitness and eating right.  Since I was anti-scale, I have been relying on the fit of my clothes and how I feel, which is GREAT, however, without those black-and-white numbers, it’s easy to get down on yourself when you are “in a mood” and can’t see/feel those intangible improvements.  So after reading and thinking today, I dug out and dusted off my scale and learned that I’ve lost 15 pounds!  …and THAT, folks, is no myth!  🙂

Motivation

Some snaps from the 21-day challenge that I just SLAYED AND TOOK NO PRISONERS!!!

On June 27th I went to the doctor because I was a sicky-sicky and concerned about possible Lyme disease.  Not only was the number on the scale was no bueno, but I also had high blood pressure, which has never been an issue for me (except when I was pregnant).  She suspected that the HBP was due to illness, but said, “Well when we make your appointment for your yearly physical, we will want to check that again and possibly need to start treating it.”  We all know what that means. Drugs.  No, thank you.

I had already been exercising, and trying (<–note the word trying) to eat right, but I left at appointment feeling the need to kick things into gear and get into shape.  Part of my daily motivation was the August 25th appointment for a physical.  I daydream about going in and having a much better scale number and a normal blood pressure.  I daydream about the doctor (who I have never met) saying something about my weight and being able to say, "Well, as you can see, I have lost weight since my last visit here.  I run 3 miles every other day, and I do strength and flexibility training on the other days, so I'm good!"

Today they called and rescheduled my appointment for freaking October!  A tiny part of me feels like I have lost that ‘immediate motivator.’  I was even counting on that appointment to keep me in check during our upcoming trip to Vegas and Dallas since it was 2 days after arriving home.  Just a tiny part though… I have plenty of motivators in my husband, and even moreso the way I FEEL!  I am full of energy and yesterday I suddenly noticed that I had to be more careful shaving my legs because of the definition in my calves LOL!!!! 

I wasn’t going to join this month’s challenge group because we are traveling so much and have a lot going on, but maybe I should.  I may need those daily reminders and motivators.

Let’s DO THIS!!!

This week’s “selfie” that actually DOES illustrate something!    

Plan:  Hop out of bed at 9am and go for a nice brisk hour-long walk with Luna

Reality: Wake up at 9…ish.  Lay in bed until 10 frigging around with my tablet and waffling back-and-forth about whether or not to walk.

“If I go at 930, I still have time to walk and get back to get ready for work at noon.”
“I could just start tomorrow.”
 
“Even if I go at 10, I still have time.”
 
“If I went at 10:30, I could still get in a half-hour walk.  Maybe I should start there anyway since I am so out-of-shape?”

Sean no likey the selfies 😉

Then I thought about the last line of yesterday’s blog.  “50 pounds to go!”  I don’t want next Sunday’s blog to still say, “50 pounds to go!”  So I JUMPED out of bed before I could change my mind again. THIS is why I blog.

I was GREATLY rewarded for not being a lazy fat-ass.  Sean is on school vacation, and shockingly agreed to join me, so we got in some great mother-son time!  I feel AWESOME!

I set my s-health app for 45 minutes of activity a day.  Not quite ready to pull the trigger on that full hour yet.  Somehow it feels like I am getting away with something naughty, and for some reason, I need that.  I’m just weird that way. 😉  

New trip…. New goal.

We have an exciting new trip on the very distant horizon.  We are all super excited about it!!  And then…..

WA
WA
WAAAAA

I start researching our little mini-trip adventures and one of the ones that I am most excited about has a weight limit.  And I am 50 pounds over.  That is a lot of weight to lose.  FORTUNATELY, I have eleven months to do it.  UNFORTUNATELY, based on past experience, I lack confidence that I can do this.

I took the weekend to wallow in self-pity.  Then we went for a walk in the city forest, and I realized just how out-of-shape I am, and so then I wallowed in self-pity some more.  Not quite done with the wallowing, but tomorrow I plan to SPRING out of bed and get a good walk in before work.  Putting couch25k on the back-burner for now and am just going to walk walk walk walk walk walk……..

50 pounds to go……

Blog deux

I have been doing lots of blogging over on my other blog.  I am using that other blog as a motivational journal to stay on track of eating healthy and exercising.  (Ok…. it hasn’t worked so far to get me to exercise, but it will, I’m sure!!)

As I type this, I kind of wonder why I chose to separate out my never-ending-quest-to-be-less-fat from my blog of regular life….  I mean this IS my life.  I think it’s because I am thinking of the other blog more like a journal and am really trying to blog daily and didn’t want to bog down this blog with that minutia.  But that doesn’t really make sense, does it?
Now I am thinking about making tabs.
Well, whatever I decide to do, if you would like to follow my current stand, click that picture up there!