Live and let live …I guess?

 

Screenshot 2019-08-21 at 12.20.19 PMIn my endless pursuit of self-improvement, I listen to a lot of podcasts and read a lot of books. One of the key messages of almost ALL self-care/self-improvement media (whether it’s about weight loss, spirituality, unleashing your full potential, etc.) is not letting other people’s bullshit affect you.

If you want to test yourself to see what mile-marker you’ve reached on your “journey of self-improvement (puke),” go on a family vacation. Hell, go on ANY vacation with a bunch of adults of all ages and one male 17yr old. The male 17-year-old is not essential- like, don’t STEAL one or anything- but if you really want to challenge your zen level, I mean REALLY want to push yourself, I highly recommended incorporating one into your travel plans.

What did I learn about myself?

I learned I’ve made some good progress, but I still have a long way to go. I learned that if people are pissing me off, I tend to take it out on my husband- which is obviously not cool and needs work. I learned I struggle with wanting everyone to be having a good time and feeling upset when clearly one or two people are not. I learned that I am more able to recognize these feelings in-the-moment and do some self-talk to manage those emotions.

(We’re just gonna go ahead and use “they” here- lest I have people calling for my head on a platter)

  • “They didn’t have to come along, but they chose to because they want to be with the family. So maybe they aren’t having a woo-hoo blasty blast, but they are content to be with the group.”
  • “They are just not as go-with-the-flow are you are and that’s ok. Actually, it’s great for them! They probably have a better credit score than I do because of it LOL”
  • “They literally just said 5 minutes ago they had an upset stomach- this is not about you- you lunatic.”
  • “We are a loud, obnoxious family, not everyone is used to, or is into, that!”

I also learned I’m not sure what the end goal should even be. Are we not even supposed to have feelings when other people act in ways that we don’t like and just understand it’s their bullshit causing them to act that way and understand it has little or nothing to do with us? Are we just supposed to accept and embrace everyone for who they are?  Most self-care media suggests surrounding yourself and spending your time with people who have similar goals and outlooks on life and avoiding people who drain your positivity. So are they suggesting you just “cancel” family members? I understand cutting ties with family members who have repeatedly shown they can’t be trusted; but what about the family members who are just not on the same wavelength as you? Or have very different personalities? Or perhaps some shit they should probably work on? Or just make you crazy? Are we SUPPOSED to enjoy all the time we spend with people and therefore only spend time with people who we enjoy all the time?  Well, that can’t be it because I would be alone 100% of the time both because there is nobody I enjoy 100% of the time and FOR SURE nobody enjoys ME 100% of the time (LMAO)! 

 

 

The half-empty nest

Today marks 1 month since Jessi flew the coop.  Not-gonna-lie, that first week was ROUGH!  There was a lot of crying, sulking, pouting, moping…..  you get the idea.  Since then, I have been ok, we text every day, and she is still including me in knowing stuff about her life.  Less stuff.  But stuff.  This is what she needed, to get away from my influence, Maine, and whatever else, and to have a chance to figure out what she wants and who she is with no distractions. 

So… during the day.  I am fine.  Yes, there are some songs that come on the radio or things I see that bring on that sting in the eyes…. but I recover quickly 😉  Being focused on house stuff, weekend adventures, and fitness, has been a huge help to avoid emotional eating or wallowing in my own self-pity.

The last goodbye tackle

During the day.

It’s the weirdo nighttime shit that is disconcerting. A few nights a week I have Jessi dreams where I am crying and sobbing hysterically. The other night I dreamt that she and I were driving her down to Richmond, so we stopped at the grocery store and I was buying ALL THE BAD FOOD for the road trip and sobbing as I wandered through the aisles filling my cart with Pirate’s Booty and Sour Patch Kids.  


Which do I miss more?  Jessi?  or Junk food!?  LOL

Being a mom is sadistic.  You spend almost 20 years bonding and getting attached just to RIP EM OFF YA ::::insert velcro sound here:::::