I worked overnight Thursday and Friday, and even though I was able to get plenty of sleep, I still used it as an excuse to eat ALL THE CARBS and accomplish nothing all weekend long 😉 And I am good with that!
I just looked at the weather and it looks like this is the week I will finally get back outside and work my way back into running. I got me some AWESOME Newton’s fer cheap at Marden’s over the winter and they are ready to hit the pavement! I have such illusions of it being fun and great to be back out running, but I know that it won’t be. I will probably hate every second of it… until the last second when I feel GREAT that I DID IT!
|Instead if the “weekly shows nothing selfie,
Here is one that actually does show something.
And you know what? I don’t even hate it.
We’ve taken a few days off. Not completely off, but a bit relaxed. We had some cake for Sean’s birthday. And Sean requested birthday lasagna as well. Damn my lasagna is good. I did do some little things to create the illusion of control …like make a smaller pan of lasagna. And other than those things over the weekend, I stayed away from sugar. Including that Easter candy that continues to linger around the house.
Then yesterday I continued to be “off it” a bit. I had a busy day and not-gonna-lie, the second I went out the door, I knew I was going to use my business as an excuse to have my favorite McDonald’s meal —even though I easily could have made a better choice. Verruca (and Ms. PMS) wanted it…. and Colleen gave in. Then when I got home from work, there were 2 pieces of cake left and I did my old… “Well… I already had McDonald’s…. may as well have a piece and get it out of here……”
Blogging this morning felt essential to get myself back on track before going completely off the rails again like we did after vacation.
BY THE WAY!!! the “getting up at 9am every day thing” has been FANTASTIC!! There had been a few days where I have fought it a bit, but Lonnie relentlessly texted and called me to make sure I got up. I can’t believe how much more shit I have gotten done because I just have so much more time and FELT like it!!! It’s already become a bit of a habit, as this morning, I did NOT want to get up, but was WIDE awake and ended up getting up since I couldn’t force myself to go back to sleep. So…. WINNING!!!
|Weekly coffee selfie… new diningroom location!
It was a long day but I made it through. Lonnie and I both came close to giving in when Sean came home with so, so much candy and was like a crack dealer trying to share it with us. But we stood strong. I kept thinking, “Well it’s not like I am not going to have sugar at some point, why not on a holiday?” and wondering if perhaps this torturing myself was just hollowing out a hole in my brain and I am eventually just going to go batshit crazy and EAT ALL THE THINGS to attempt to fill it up. the funny thing is, at one point Lonnie said, “Just go ahead, pick like 4 pieces and keep it to that.”
- :::insert spoiled voice::: I don’t WANT 4 stupid pieces. I want 104.
- I couldn’t even think of which 4 I would choose, honestly, none of them appealed to me– which told me that it wasn’t really the candy itself that I wanted, it was Veruca (that spoiled little girl!), being told no and throwing a tantrum.
- :::alert–this is the twisted one::: I spend a good part of the day bitching and pouting and threatening to eat the candy to Lonnie. It wasn’t til the evening when he caught on to my shenanigans, had had enough, and finally said, “Go ahead. Eat whatever you want, but I am not going to.” The wanting was instantly gone because I wasn’t getting the negative attention from him anymore.
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD!!
As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), it was not lost on me that perhaps since I know that sugar is poison and really has no place in a healthy lifestyle, that I should not feed copious amounts of it to my kids on holidays. Particularly since my son definitely has a penchant to overdo. We recently stopped buying cereal after numerous warnings to him about the 1/4-1/2 cup of sugar we kept catching him adding to it. I have no illusions that at 14 years old, I am going to convince him to not eat sugar all the time. But I CAN control what he eats at home with us!
As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), I had SEVERAL moments of weakness. The first of which was at Target when I was going to get the kids Peeps for their baskets with the sole purpose of my getting to eat some. The Peeps stayed in the cart for about 3 minutes and then went back on the shelf. This shit is not easy. My brain is a battlefield of;
“Maybe just a few pieces…”
“Maybe we should just take the weekend off and start back on Monday….”
“Wow, some of those m&ms in the microwave would be just perfect……”
I did not give in to the spoiled little girl inside that wants what she wants when she wants it!!! And I won’t today either.
And WHY not? Because I FEEL GOOD DAMNIT and I want to KEEP feeling good!
|Haha what a terrible pic
Just wrapped up day 2 of no sugar! It feels SO satisfying to be back on track. We were off the rails hard, and I felt completely out of control. Last time we did this, Lonnie was completely on board and supportive, but he struggled because he was really doing it as a ‘solidarity’ type of thing. On Sunday, he decided to watch the movie “Fed Up” and then we watched “That Sugar Film” together. I could never convince him to watch it last time because one of his pet peeves is my love of reading articles and watching movies that result in my wanting to change our entire lives 😉
The two movies together were more than enough to inspire us to kick the sugar bullshit and start feeling great again!
My toughest days are Monday and Tuesday as I am busy busy busy with work, and now grad school stuff now on top of that, but I made it through like a champ with NO EXCUSES!!
Remember when I said that when coming back from vacation it would be hard to get back “on it.” Holy Shit– has is ever!??
I’m a mess.
I can blame that I just started grad school.
I can blame that my work schedule has just changed.
I can blame… well… it’s winter…. it’s this… it’s that….. blah blah blah
None of those excuses are actual things that have prevented me from eating well. None of them. What HAS prevented me from eating well. I don’t want to. I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to plan. I don’t want o grocery shop
I feel gross. I feel bloaty and fat and my clothes feel tight. Lonnie has gained weight too, and because he only gains weight in his belly, it shows quickly and makes him feel gross. We need to get our shit together. ASAP.
How do you get that driven feeling back once it disappears!!?? I don’t even want to grocery shop for the “good healthy foods” because well…. probably because part of me knows that I am just going to waste it and part of me knows that if I buy it, then I should get back on it and I DON’T WANNA!!