Body acceptance AKA Santa

So dusty…..  Time to clean it up and face reality. 

Today I read a post on Emily Nolan’s blog about her decision to lose weight.  This decision is huge because she is a large part of the ‘body-acceptance-love-the-skin-you’re-in’ movement.  I don’t know her entire life history or anything, but I think she is a plus-sized model.  (Ok… maybe my mind just has her grouped in with Ashley Graham, Danika Brysha and assume she is also a model? …but I DO know that she was doing something with Lululemon at some point, so I think I am right. —hey…there is no research team here at Constant Commentary!)  The backlash on these ‘not size 0’ ladies when they lose weight is absolutely disgusting, but…. I get it.  I would never SAY the horrible things that I see people say on their insta-blog-tweet-fbs, but I get it.

As I read her post today, I was annoyed at her talking about her focus on the numbers on the scale and at the same time trying to say that we should not focus on the numbers on the scale.  I was honestly just annoyed in general, so I sat with that for awhile.  WHY was I annoyed? Who the fuck am I to be annoyed?  I think it boils down to 2 things:

 1. These ladies are our champions in a world that tells us every day that we don’t look like we should, so when they jump ship, we feel betrayed.

2. If they are losing weight, then they never really bought into the fact that you can be pretty AND fat, so we cannot buy into it either.  AND If #2 is the truth, we cannot rest easy (aka LAZY) in just saying “I love my curves!” and burying our heads in the sand about our unhealthy bodies.  And THAT ONE, my friends, stings a bit!

Is there really such a thing as body acceptance when you are fat?  I don’t believe there is.  It’s a myth.  Like Santa.  Something us chubby girls love to believe in, but when Christmas Eve comes along, we all know that fat bastard ain’t fittin’ down no chimney.

Sometimes you see things exactly when you need to.  I’ve been going pretty hard at fitness and eating right.  Since I was anti-scale, I have been relying on the fit of my clothes and how I feel, which is GREAT, however, without those black-and-white numbers, it’s easy to get down on yourself when you are “in a mood” and can’t see/feel those intangible improvements.  So after reading and thinking today, I dug out and dusted off my scale and learned that I’ve lost 15 pounds!  …and THAT, folks, is no myth!  🙂

Motivation

Some snaps from the 21-day challenge that I just SLAYED AND TOOK NO PRISONERS!!!

On June 27th I went to the doctor because I was a sicky-sicky and concerned about possible Lyme disease.  Not only was the number on the scale was no bueno, but I also had high blood pressure, which has never been an issue for me (except when I was pregnant).  She suspected that the HBP was due to illness, but said, “Well when we make your appointment for your yearly physical, we will want to check that again and possibly need to start treating it.”  We all know what that means. Drugs.  No, thank you.

I had already been exercising, and trying (<–note the word trying) to eat right, but I left at appointment feeling the need to kick things into gear and get into shape.  Part of my daily motivation was the August 25th appointment for a physical.  I daydream about going in and having a much better scale number and a normal blood pressure.  I daydream about the doctor (who I have never met) saying something about my weight and being able to say, "Well, as you can see, I have lost weight since my last visit here.  I run 3 miles every other day, and I do strength and flexibility training on the other days, so I'm good!"

Today they called and rescheduled my appointment for freaking October!  A tiny part of me feels like I have lost that ‘immediate motivator.’  I was even counting on that appointment to keep me in check during our upcoming trip to Vegas and Dallas since it was 2 days after arriving home.  Just a tiny part though… I have plenty of motivators in my husband, and even moreso the way I FEEL!  I am full of energy and yesterday I suddenly noticed that I had to be more careful shaving my legs because of the definition in my calves LOL!!!! 

I wasn’t going to join this month’s challenge group because we are traveling so much and have a lot going on, but maybe I should.  I may need those daily reminders and motivators.

You’re KILLIN’ ME, Bunny!

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), it was not lost on me that perhaps since I know that sugar is poison and really has no place in a healthy lifestyle, that I should not feed copious amounts of it to my kids on holidays.  Particularly since my son definitely has a penchant to overdo.  We recently stopped buying cereal after numerous warnings to him about the 1/4-1/2 cup of sugar we kept catching him adding to it.  I have no illusions that at 14 years old, I am going to convince him to not eat sugar all the time.  But I CAN control what he eats at home with us!

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), I had SEVERAL moments of weakness.  The first of which was at Target when I was going to get the kids Peeps for their baskets with the sole purpose of my getting to eat some.  The Peeps stayed in the cart for about 3 minutes and then went back on the shelf.  This shit is not easy.  My brain is a battlefield of;

“Maybe just a few pieces…”  
“Maybe we should just take the weekend off and start back on Monday….” 
“Wow, some of those m&ms in the microwave would be just perfect……” 

I did not give in to the spoiled little girl inside that wants what she wants when she wants it!!!  And I won’t today either. 

And WHY not?  Because I FEEL GOOD DAMNIT and I want to KEEP feeling good!

This Birthday girl didn’t eat no cake

Normally when I disappear from the blog, that means I have fallen into a bucket of sugar.  But not this time!  I have found that with all the writing I am doing for grad school, my writing itch gets plenty of scratchin’! 

I celebrated my 42nd birthday on Saturday and I celebrated it with lots of love from family and friends and some super awesome presents, but NO CAKE or ICE CREAM!  I didn’t even want it.  I know that having that stuff will just make me want more and more of it, and I also know that it will make me feel like crap mentally and physically, so I skipped it.  Yes it felt weird.  No I didn’t feel like I was missing out.  Instead Lonnie and I spent the afternoon in the kitchen making my FAVORITE spicy chicken Mexican bowls with homemade guac, and because it was my birthday and I am not a masochist, I even had some rice in my bowl.  (ACTUALLY I am reading a great book called ‘Paleo Takeout’ and I learned that there is considerable evidence that white rice is actually NOT the devil that we think it is.  And since I like that information, I am going with it!)  Starting out my 42nd year on earth in this way really feels symbolic, like this is my year. This is the year I get my shit together and shed some serious poundage.  When I finally get that exercise component into play LOOK OUT WORLD!

 https://read.amazon.com/kp/card?asin=B00YPJLASS&preview=inline&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_47l9wb0BGVB89

 

 

HOME!

Today as I slid on my jeans for work…  I was actually planning on probably having to slide them back off again because they were too tight.   NOPE!  If anything,  they were looser!  As planned,  while in Mexico,  I ate and drank everything I wanted to.  Fortunately,  that is a LOT of great fresh Mexican food!  I never really eat junk food in Mexico because it’s all just weird stuff.   Even if I am feeling snacky,  and go into a corner store,  I almost always come out empty handed because 1. I don’t know what anything is and 2. None of it looks appetizing to me. 
My downfall was traveling home.  I am VERY CAREFUL about what I eat around plane trips for fear of a repeat of the puking incident,  but once we got back in Boston …and ended up stranded there for 2 days (thank you American Airlines for losing the one bag with our car keys in it).  I must admit,  all bets were off. A combo of emotions and “let’s eat all the bad stuff before getting back on it Monday, ” led to a weekend of debauchery. 
  • There was Pirate’s Booty
  • There was a mini Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough cup
  • There were cheez its
  • There was chinese take-out
  • There was Carrabas bread and lobster ravioli (with the insides squished out because it was nasty)
  • There were egg Mcmuffins
  • And last night when we got home…  I had a “last meal” of pancakes.

My only saving grace was that it was all vending machine food,  so all small bags 😉
Back to it today.   Fought a lot of urges to make cupcakes and eat bad food because I have a nasty cold and feel like shit.   But I didn’t.  I made  delicious salad (I actually missed salad and craved it in Mexico!),  and Lonnie made a wonderful Pezole soup that was JUST what the doctor ordered for my cold.
I did have an egg Mcmuffin for breakfast because I overslept and then had to rush off to work.   But there are certainly worse things,  and I didn’t let it make me think the whole day was ruined.

Fake Sugar and vacation countdown!

Well… this week’s ‘iced coffee selfie that illustrates nothing’ actually does illustrate something.  Don’t wear this shirt and a sports bra that smashes the boobies.  I look like a blob.

Last week I had been thinking that by this week I would not have that iced coffee in my hand and would be off artificial sweeteners.  I am not.  Not even a little.  I am trying to be more mindful about it and make a least a few choices here and there that don’t involve that garbage.  I didn’t have any diet soda at all yesterday,  and I drank a cup of tea with no real or fake sugar in it at all, and actually enjoyed it!

We leave on Friday for our vacation and I feel awesome that I have been able to stick to this the whole time!!  I do wish I had exercised more and was in better running shape, but, oh well… it is what it is.

The big test now is coming HOME from vacation and staying attached to this new lifestyle.  I am actually not worried about the vacation itself.  The food in Mexico is all real. actual food, and we don’t eat crap down there anyway.  We DO, however, drink lots of sugary margaritas, and I have NO plans to skimp on those!  😉  I never gain weight on vacation though, we are SO active- walking-swimming-snorkeling-biking-hiking-ziplining-parasailing……. that it all evens out.  The tricky parts are the travel days.  I think my Cinnabon experience will help me stay on track as eating shitty food while traveling does NOT work for me, or anyone around me 😉

Tastes like victory

Yesterday and today have been Hellacious work days.   I had to get gas today because I was on ‘E. ‘ I also had to get gas YESTERDAY because I was on ‘E. ‘ I’ve been everywhere man.  <–sing that

By the end of today I was… AM (still on the clock til midnight) EXHAUSTED.   I was soooo tempted to swing into McDonald’s emotionally AND HUNGERALLY, BUT I resisted.   And I had help holding out til I got home thanks to an awesome text husband letting me know that he had cooked a Frittata and had it ready and waiting for me to come home.   So OF COURSE I wasn’t going to eat and ruin my appetite and his efforts to help me stay on track! 

Another victory….

I felt like a cup of tea (Sugar Cookie Sleigh Ride is MY JAM!) to warm me up emotionally AND hungerally 😉   And I actually thought to myself,  “Well I don’t want to get my blood sugar all up right before bed.”  Who the hell AM I!?
SO…  I enjoyed my tea without any sweetener just a tea bag and hot water.   And it was actually GOOD!