So I finished another 3 week challenge. I did not finish very strong, kinda let the ole PMS derail things. I also have been under-the-weather the past few days with either the flu or lyme disease. Fantastic.
I am still off soda. I don’t even miss it anymore.
I am am loving water!
I am starting to actually enjoy exercise again… (well except for the past couple days)
I went to the doctor today (see above), and got weighed. It was bad. Really bad. Makes me feel like all these great changes have been for nothing and that sucks. It’s not like I don’t know why though. I have been eating a lot of shit. That dam convenience store down the road is the bane of my existence. Especially since I am Mrs. Eatsmyfeelings and I am having a lot of feelings to eat lately!
My plan. Give myself a break until Jessi heads to Richmond at the end of the week, then it’s FUCKING ON! NO more convenience store. Continuing with working out. And eating…?? I have no idea. Should I weight watchers again? Should I low carb? Should I go back to the divorce diet of blow pops and only dinner?
It’s been probably a couple months since I began what I have now learned is called “intuitive eating.” So much has just become second nature and I still stop sometimes and stun myself thinking about how I “used to be.”
I have been sick with a nasty, nasty cold for about a week now, and many days my appetitite was just non-existent. This will probably sound weird to you, but that has never happened. In the past when I have been sick, I would spend the day on the couch snacking and vegging and watching tv. I can clearly see now that I was eating to make myself feel better, and just would keep snacking because…
1. While snacking, the food tastes yummy and that DOES take my mind off the cold, i.e. “Makes me feel better.”
2. Once the snack is gone, I am reminded how crappy I feel… So… Have another snack, but a different one this time because now I need something sweet… Or salty… Or creamy… Because as we all know… Or in my case anyway, just because I am full/stuffed, if I switch it up sweet to savory, creamy to crunchy… I am suddenly able to eat more! Woo hoo!
The last thing I want anyone to think when they read this, however, is that this has been easy or that I have completely exercised the demons! I still have moments every day where I get that urge to eat when I am not hungry. And I still have occasional times when I go ahead and do so. But I do with with full knowledge of what I am diving, and why I am doing it. There have been many times I have even said to Lonnie, “I’m feeling eaty tonight.” Because I wasn’t exactly sure why I was feeling that way, and most times just talking it out helps that “eaty” feeling go away. Sometimes it doesn’t, and I eat, but I eat exactly what I want, at the table. Not mindlessly snacking on the couch. And I have no guilt afterwards, because I took care of myself. As much as “they” like to preach to us, food is not just fuel for our bodies, but for our souls as well, and sometimes the soul just needs some damn chex mix!!!