“My wife was working in the garden by that afternoon!”
“Oh, when I had it done, I worked the next day and I was fine.”
“Don’t worry… it’s a breeze!”
::::insert Morgan Freeman voice here::::
It was not a breeze.
Maybe because I’ve never had surgery before? Maybe because the fates aligned and gave me a cold AND a stomach flu* aka ‘pissing out my asshole’ the day after the surgery? Maybe because I am a giant fucking baby?
Writing this… I am wondering if maybe the fates (aka Universe aka God aka The Spirit aka Mother Earth aka aka aka aka…..) DID align and gave me that cold and stomach flu to slow me the hell down and teach me to check myself before I wreck myself!!? I LITERALLY asked the doctor BEFORE I WAS EVEN FULLY OUT OF ANESTHESIA when I could go jogging. (Ok, keepin’ it real… I TRIED to ask that, made no sense, and Lonnie had to interpret my nonsense to the doctor).
I am SO DAMN FOCUSED ON BEING STRONG AND TOUGH, and on people thinking I am. It’s really stupid. It’s something I need to learn to let go of. Done. It’s gone. Hi. I’m Colleen and there is no such thing as a “strong person” or a “weak person.” There are only different reactions made by different people to different situations. And MY reaction to having a tubal ligation/cauterization…
- I was nervous and scared beforehand than I expected.
- I had no idea my throat would hurt so much from the intubation (but it turned out I also had a cold/flu thing so maybe that isn’t always quite so rough).
- My lower stomach area was painful for 2 days and then just “weird” feeling– almost felt like something was in there that shouldn’t have been, and was considering pulling an “Alien”– for about a week after and still feels slightly uncomfortable today– a week later, because when I sit, all my pants dig into the very spot where they went in with the …tools?
- I still haven’t jogged or exercised in any way AND THAT’S OK! (Planning on it for tomorrow though. I think I’m ready!)
I write this because I hope someone like me reads this post and doesn’t feel like a “failure” like I did when I wasn’t out jogging 2 days post-op and when I couldn’t work last Friday (3 days post-op) like I had planned. When I finally realized the most important thing I needed to do was CHILL THE FUCK OUT and give myself the time to relax and recover, my whole mindset changed and I was able to kind of even ENJOY my time off work, exercise, and cleaning!
*We know it was a flu/virus and not a reaction to surgery because it’s now in the capable hands of the Mr. of the house 😉 And also because my doctor and google said so.
|My traditional post-run “collapsed on the stairs at the end” selfie (and my Ennelle Sports bra–if ya gots the big boobies like me, this bra will be your bff! It locks the girls down like there is a riot in cell block 8!)
Listen. I have started, stopped, finished, and quit C25k roughly 67 times over the past several years. I now consider myself an expert.
- My biggest success in this program has been when I combine it with leg strength stuff on non-run days. Right now I am doing t25 (and sometimes Jillian for variety), and my legs are STRONG! Strong legs= easier running!!
- If you can’t complete all the run segments, do it again next time, don’t try and move on. Except maybe that stupid, random 20 minute run in week 5. Fuck that guy.
- It doesn’t matter if you take longer to finish the program than the 8 weeks. And that 8 week thing is kinda bullshit anyway because by the end of week 6, it’s just warm-up/ruuuuuuuuuunnnnnn/cool-down, no more intervals.
I talked with the trainer I hired last winter, and he was adamant that it shouldn’t really take any more than 2 weeks or so to move up and that if you can’t, then you need to work more on leg strength on off days, and also be less of a baby.
***Some days will inexplicably SUUUUUUUCK and you won’t even be able to get through what you got through just fine last time. Shit happens. When it’s around…. that time…. my legs sometimes feel like they are made of lead and I am running through jello.
The biggie for me that had to click is… IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HARD!!! IT’S EXERCISE!! If you wait to move up a step until the run segments are “easy” ….you will never finish. Look at the runners you see out and about every day. They are breathing heavy, sweating, and sometimes look like they want to die. It’s called running.
And now… some of the things that make me a happy running lady…..
|Buddy Pouch This thing RULES!! It folds over your pants and magnets together, no arm-band for weird tans or chafing, or general annoyingness. Plus there is room for other stuff like a car/house key, credit card, money, condom, (hey… I don’t know what you do when you run…. #nojudgementzone)
|Motorola S305 headphones. I’ve tried em all, people. And I always come back to these babies. Bluetooth, great sound, don’t fall out of my ears, and they are cheap. Yes, we own 3 pairs because I have an irrational fear they will stop making them. (My oldest pair is over 5 years old and still going strong) Disclaimer: they do get sweaty and gross, but that just makes me feel like a badass)
|Nike Pegasus Zoom. Sneakers. ALSO have tried ’em all… Brook, adidas, reebok…. even the fancy Mizunos that supposedly teach you better form. Then I bought these a Marden’s for cheap just for gyming– not running, and they turned out to be the most comfortable running shoes I have ever owned. I always thought that I needed stability shoes because I am a fatty, but I recently learned that they were not good for my gait and encouraged ankle rolling. Ain’t NOBODY got time for that!
The goal of these Facebook challenges is to have bettered yourself in some way by the end of the 21 days. It’s also based on the theory that it takes 21 days to make a habit. Every day you get 1 point for an exercise photo and 1 point for a healthy eating photo, and every point is an entry for a drawing and a t-shirt. I won a t-shirt last month!! WINNING!!
Last week was a break from the challenges for the holiday, but it wasn’t a break for me! Lonnie has finally jumped on board with me and we kissed sugar goodbye last Sunday. Honestly, for some reason it hasn’t even been that hard. And it is AMAZING the changes that happen so quickly when junk food and sugar aren’t in my system…
- I feel thinner and lighter within a couple days.
- My mental clarity and focus improve right away. Which was AWESOME because it allowed me to get COMPLETELY caught up in my coursework. Having that hanging over my head was really bothering me.
- I actually FEEL LIKE exercising, so it’s not forced and annoying.
- ENERGY— I HAS IT! We have made LOTS of progress around the house the past few days. LOTS of dump trips, sorting, AND we redid Sean’s room for him (He wanted to move into Jessi’s room) and it looks AWESOME!!
Having this to focus on has helped with the transition of Jessi moving away. Speaking of Jessi; she seems to be doing GREAT down in Richmond. It’s clear to me now that a big part of this move was to gain some independence from me, so while it’s weird and a little sad for me to not know her every move and feeling and not talk to her as much as I used to. It’s awesome that she is strong enough to take this step for herself! Whoa…. typing that brought on the tears a little. I thought I was done with those!! DAMNIT!!
Off to pick up Sean who is doing his Monday jog up at the “track.” (air quotes because this is Winterport and the term track is very. VERY. loose. It’s really just a worn down path around a soccer field.)
So I finished another 3 week challenge. I did not finish very strong, kinda let the ole PMS derail things. I also have been under-the-weather the past few days with either the flu or lyme disease. Fantastic.
I am still off soda. I don’t even miss it anymore.
I am am loving water!
I am starting to actually enjoy exercise again… (well except for the past couple days)
I went to the doctor today (see above), and got weighed. It was bad. Really bad. Makes me feel like all these great changes have been for nothing and that sucks. It’s not like I don’t know why though. I have been eating a lot of shit. That dam convenience store down the road is the bane of my existence. Especially since I am Mrs. Eatsmyfeelings and I am having a lot of feelings to eat lately!
My plan. Give myself a break until Jessi heads to Richmond at the end of the week, then it’s FUCKING ON! NO more convenience store. Continuing with working out. And eating…?? I have no idea. Should I weight watchers again? Should I low carb? Should I go back to the divorce diet of blow pops and only dinner?
OMG This photo is laughably terrible, but it’s me and I accept that. (Although you would THINK Lonnie could have told me to pull my shirt down…lol Actually… no, he would never suggest anything like that, goes completely against his philosophy of nakedness) It was taken right after finishing Day 1 of the Couch to 5k program. I wonder how many “day 1s” I of this stupid program I have done?
Not gonna lie, it did NOT go well. I was able to do with without walking at all, but in the past I have started day 1 and then skipped up a couple weeks because it was so easy. It was not so easy for either Lonnie, or me. BUT I felt awesome afterwards and am glad to be back out there. I really think having this to focus on will help with the wide array of emotions going on around here!! I still can’t believe my kid is moving 12 hours away. To be honest… I still DON’T entirely believe it and am still in “I’ll believe it when I see it” mode.
I worked overnight Thursday and Friday, and even though I was able to get plenty of sleep, I still used it as an excuse to eat ALL THE CARBS and accomplish nothing all weekend long 😉 And I am good with that!
I just looked at the weather and it looks like this is the week I will finally get back outside and work my way back into running. I got me some AWESOME Newton’s fer cheap at Marden’s over the winter and they are ready to hit the pavement! I have such illusions of it being fun and great to be back out running, but I know that it won’t be. I will probably hate every second of it… until the last second when I feel GREAT that I DID IT!
I haz em. Mother Nature does not.
I want to plant some herbs and stuff this year. I say this every year, but this time I mean it, damnit. We don’t have a lot of space in the sunshine, but I think we have just enough to do one of those cute Pinterest-y container gardens.
I want to get outside and work towards running goals again. (Just not enough to bundle up and feel my snot freeze,) It’s 32 freaking degrees out today. And windy. And blustery. I HATE THAT!
I want to jump out of the bed on the weekends excited because Lonnie and I have adventures planned! The kind of adventures that don’t involve mittens or frostbite.
I want to do a cool thing like take my schoolwork out to a park and study under a tree. (LOL I will NEVER do that!) I guarantee if that happens I WILL find a way to selfie that shit 😉
Well… this week’s ‘iced coffee selfie that illustrates nothing’ actually does illustrate something. Don’t wear this shirt and a sports bra that smashes the boobies. I look like a blob.
Last week I had been thinking that by this week I would not have that iced coffee in my hand and would be off artificial sweeteners. I am not. Not even a little. I am trying to be more mindful about it and make a least a few choices here and there that don’t involve that garbage. I didn’t have any diet soda at all yesterday, and I drank a cup of tea with no real or fake sugar in it at all, and actually enjoyed it!
We leave on Friday for our vacation and I feel awesome that I have been able to stick to this the whole time!! I do wish I had exercised more and was in better running shape, but, oh well… it is what it is.
The big test now is coming HOME from vacation and staying attached to this new lifestyle. I am actually not worried about the vacation itself. The food in Mexico is all real. actual food, and we don’t eat crap down there anyway. We DO, however, drink lots of sugary margaritas, and I have NO plans to skimp on those! 😉 I never gain weight on vacation though, we are SO active- walking-swimming-snorkeling-biking-hiking-ziplining-parasailing……. that it all evens out. The tricky parts are the travel days. I think my Cinnabon experience will help me stay on track as eating shitty food while traveling does NOT work for me, or anyone around me 😉
Thinking I will be back to daily this week because I feel like I am faltering a bit. And while I KNOW
and can FEEL that this is PMS related— It appears knowing is not actually half the battle when you still stuff a pizza into your gob anyway.
|New gym pants from Lane Bryant
|Olive Garden dressing— basically candy.
-On Friday I got up and went to the gym all on my own… all alone! And lifted weights like a beast!!
-Went to Olive Garden with Jessi yesterday, and while I did have some stuff I shouldn’t have, a few risotto rice balls, chicken gnocchi soup, and lots of salad (you know that dressing is terrible for you, right– it’ll full of sugar!!
), I passed on breadsticks, and I stuck to one small bowl of soup– and I didn’t finish it.
Oh yeah I had a berry Sangria too 😉 More sugar, but SO yummy!
-I got some AWESOME new gym pants from Lane Bryant. I usually only shop there for bras and undies, I have never really liked the way their clothes fit. They were having a giant clearance and I tried them on and LOVE LOVE LOVE. They are super flattering and stay in place when lifting and running. WIN WIN WIN!
-The two giant margaritas before the Brad Paisley concert. (Please don’t assume from this that I am a country music loving redneck!!!), I have no regrets though, as we had SO MUCH FUN out and about with our friends!
-Small pizza for dinner last night. OMG it was so good, but I really should have made a better choice. Pizza is probably what I miss the most when I am watching carbs and none of those supposed substitutes even come close, so I don’t even bother. Pizza once a month or so is not going to kill me. (Next month news headline: Woman Chokes and Dies on Pizza Crust)
-The gym probably isn’t happening at all this weekend as we are trying to super clean the house and get errands done because we leave for our trip on Friday!
Bitch please. There is no ugly here!
|Luna looks on in the kitchen as the crazy lady takes a yoga selfie
I can’t believe that I am on day 30 and still going strong! I guess since it’s been a month now, I should do a little run-down of changes that I have or have not noticed.
Things that have not changed….
- I am still fat. (I shouldn’t say things like that, I know…. positive self talk… blah blah blah….)
- I still have a LOT of bags of clothes that are waiting for me to be smaller so that I can wear them.
- I cannot run 3 miles without walking at all.
- I still do not go to the gym or exercise as much as I would like to
- I still love Justin Bieber
- And One Direction.
Things that HAVE changed….
- I have LESS fat on my body.
- The button on my jeans is not standing on the ledge threatening to of jump from the pressure it’s under.
- I can wear some of the clothes that I had not been wearing because they didn’t fit properply.
- I can run/walk in 1 minute intervals easily for 15 minutes (and surely more than that, but that is all I have done so far)
- I feel confident in the weight room at the gym, even when Lonnie is not there with me
- I LOOK FORWARD to Sunday yoga
- I don’t crave McDonald’s anymore. Or cheez its. Or sour patch kids.
- We have saved probably around $200-400 dollars this month because there is no more nightlt convenience store snack run. When I think of the shitty food and wasted money…. I almost didn’t even want to type that one out because it’s embarrassing.
- Much less alcohol is being consumed. We used to have a tradition of finding new wines to pair with our dinner on Wednesdays, and on weekends would have a couple drinks in the evening. BUT, even if I have one glass of alcohol, I feel like a zombie in the morning and have to drag my ass out of bed, and I don’t need excuses to not get up and going!! ESPECIALLY on Sunday mornings because I want to feel good for yoga!
- My skin is better, breakouts and blemishes are basically non-existent!
- I never have “stomach issues” anymore or wake up feeling gross
- There have also been some weird changes that may or may not be related….
- I get up earlier every day
- I make my bed every day
- I have started to enjoy folding and putting away laundry and it doesn’t just live in baskets anymore
WOW that is a big list of reasons to never stop living this way, and right now I honestly don’t even want to stop! I feel awesome, happy, energized, and confident!! GO ME!!