Sleepytime

I love sleeping.  So.  So. Much.  However, this is the time of year every year (Which I didn’t even realize until a blog reader noticed a trend a few years ago in my posts as years went on!), I get a case of the winter blues…. cabin fever…. whatever you want to call it.

I usually combat my malaise with a vacation to someplace sunny and warm.  This year, I let Lonnie talk me into vacationing much earlier than usual, bringing us back to Maine with lots more winter left.  This has been a VERY mild, and non-snowy winter, but it’s still winter.  I still don’t want to go outside for a walk or a run, we aren’t going out hiking and fishing and stuff on the weekends, and there is not a lot else to do around here other than shopping and the movies.

So I have been sleeping.  A LOT.  My main excuse that I use is, “I sleep late because my job keeps me up late and messes up my sleep schedule.”   Which is true sometimes.  But not every day.  Honestly, I wake up naturally around 8-9ish, and then force myself to go back to sleep thinking, “Why get up?  To just go downstairs and watch TV or clean?  Fuck that.  I may as well go back to sleep.”

On Saturday I stayed in bed til noon-ish. I felt like crap when I finally dragged myself out of bed with that all-too-familiar “slept too much” feeling.  I decided that it was time to face that I had a problem, and even to say it out loud to Lonnie.  I even threw out the “D” word (DEPRESSION, silly, not divorce!).  We decided, based on all the other symptoms I would need to have,  that I am not having the D word, but that I am in a bad habit that needs to be broken. …and very possibly toeing the line of the D word.  So I made a “contract” with him to start getting up at 9 every day (well unless I have worked an overnight shift, of course).  Even if I was up too late, or don’t want to, I GET UP!  If I am that tired, I can take a nap in the afternoon.

Today is day 3 of this, and not-gonna-lie, it’s been tough.  BUT it has also been extremely rewarding!  I don’t feel like a sloth.  Once I am up, and have dragged myself out of bed, I feel ENERGIZED!  Yesterday I had SO much time, even BEFORE I started my work shift at noon!!  I have FELT like cleaning!  I have FELT like organizing!  It honestly FEELS LIKE SPRING, even though the weather has not changed.

They say “walk the walk.”
They say “fake it til you make it.”
THEY ARE RIGHT!

Day 8 and FEELIN’ GREAT!!!

My weekly Monday morning iced-coffee photo that really illustrates nothing…lol

I have a love/hate relationship with Mondays.  I enjoy my job, and Mondays are usually a day where I get to do the stuff I enjoy doing at work (as opposed to my overnight shifts where sometimes I have to do things that I were prefer not to do).  So I look forward to Mondays.  BUT… like anyone else, I hate when the weekend ends!

“Sticking to it” this weekend went GREAT!  I had a 1/2 cup of rice in my taco bowl, and we put a little honey in our coconut shrimp batter, but all of those are still whole foods, and we kept it to a minimum, so YAY US!  In the past, we have always had a “cheat day.”  This time, since my current goal was is just stick to this for a month, I decided on no cheat days.  This was a little scary.  But you know what I have learned. 

  • Cheat days are BULLSHIT.  
  • Cheat days are just terrible.  
  • Cheat days are wrong.  
  • Cheat days teach you to look forward to a day of gluttony.  
  • Cheat days tell your brain that those are the “good foods” that you look forward to all week.   
  • Cheat days make you have to “start all over again” EVERY WEEK.  Starting in the first place is hard enough!  

  • Cheat days allow you to eat foods that are SCIENTIFICALLY ENGINEERED to make your body crave more, making you literally have to withdraw/detox from all that shit every week.  AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO THAT! 
  • Cheat days always have leftovers that you feel guilty about throwing away (you know… all those starving children in Africa ….or Detroit.), that stare you in the face the next morning begging you to just finish them off to get them out of the house.

EVERY TIME I have gone back to unhealthy eating, it has been when a ‘cheat day’ turned into a ‘cheat weekend,’ turned into a ‘well we don’t anything ‘good’ in the house Monday morning so let’s start tomorrow,’ turned into a, ‘well I am super busy at work and haven’t had time to grocery shop yet, so we may as well just call it off for this week…………..’  Every. Time.

Day 4 –Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’

Got some inspiration from a friend and co-worker today.  She was on a strict low-carb diet (Not what I do, I eat all whole foods.) for 8 months until just recently when she wasn’t feeling well and could only stomach crackers.  She laughed and said that she also used it as an excuse to completely fall off the wagon for the past 2 weeks.  My kind of people!  😉  We talked about how much better we feel when watching the carbs and in trying to talk her back into it, got me all fired up about it too!

I know it’s only day 4, but today, on day 4, I am wearing jeans that were a tad on the painful side a couple weeks ago.  Jeans that I could wear to work, but that I could not WAIT to strip off the second I got home.  I have been wearing them all day today 🙂

Struggles:

Got up late and didn’t have time to eat before rushing out to my weekly staff meeting.  Got a sugar-free iced coffee at McDonald’s.  This was a bad choice because a. We all know Mcdonald’s is a trigger for me b. I was hungry! c. I love me some egg mcmuffins!  d. When I have McD’s iced coffee with nothing else,  I get a little sick to my stomach.   So I sucked down my coffee during my staff meeting and lived with a tummy-ache and yucky taste in my mouth until after my meeting when I pulled into Irving on 2 wheels to get a fountain soda. 

I can feel that I am going to need to start branching out from my steaks and salads soon.  I love love love them, but I don’t want to get bored with this.

What have we learned today?

HAVE EASY HANDY BREAKFAST THINGS READY!!!!!!!!!
What else is helping me to stay on track?  
VACATION PLANNING, including looking at new swimsuits and summer dresses for the trip at https://www.swimsuitsforall.com  I am LOVING this site and
https://www.swimsuitsforall.com

wish I found it ages ago… adorable, sexy fat chick bathsuits, YES PLEASE!!

Day 3 -Winter Zombieland

Winter Zombie

It was a cold and blizzardy day yesterday. Got around 8 inches…. and it snowed too!!

I never did make it to the gym.  Then I got called to do an awake overnight shift at the children’s crisis unit.  UGH.  I did not bring any snacks with me as I was in a rush to get out the door, I probably couldn’t have eaten anyway, overnight shifts when I have to stay awake all night make me sick to my stomach and get raging headaches.

I DID make a responsible choice when I got home though and had a protein-filled small breakfast before hitting the sack.

As I was only able to sleep til around noon, I skipped the gym again today as I am a bit on the zombie side.  I definitely could have gone.  But I didn’t.  I just HATE going out in the cold, trudging through the snow, warming up the car, scraping the car, and then getting back into the freezing car after the gym.  I realize this is a ridiculous excuse.

I DID, however, stick to watching the carbs and didn’t eat through the rollercoaster of emotions I have ridden since last evening; exhaustion, frustration, annoyance, anger, boredom, not feeling well, trying to stay awake……

So…. still winning!

I read the most ANNOYING thing on Facebook yesterday that let me doubt myself for a few seconds….

https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott/posts/776639689132343?fref=nf&pnref=story

If you want to finish it, you can click it.

I have thought about this a lot today, yesterday, a year ago….. really ever since I read those books about emotional eating.  *Click here to read a few of my blogs I wrote while I was focused on this topic.

I completely agree with the basic I idea of that post.  However, if I don’t control the shit I am eating by dieting, and making a conscious effort to avoid foods that trigger binges and cravings, I am NOT taking care of myself.  And I want to feel good.  Look good.  Be able to do all the fitnessy, activityish stuff that I love to do.

So there.  Screw you lady who is telling me that I am doing a stupid thing.  Screw. you.

Since this blog is just sitting here unused…. DAY ONE

…and I was trying to think of a way to journal through this new endeavor, why not use it!?

I’d like a little less belly and little less face please 🙂

Today I am starting yet another diet.   Screw all you “don’t diet, change your lifestyle people.”  That is totally just something you say when you don’t want to admit you are on a diet.  Also… dieting IS changing your lifestyle.  Currently my lifestyle is eating McDonald’s and chips and chex mix and well… whatever the hell I feel like eating when I am hungry, bored, tired, stressed, annoyed, upset, or see a commercial for something yummy.  My lifestyle is also mostly sitting and sleeping with brief, occasional spurts of exercise.

SO… “changing my lifestyle” means from today until I leave for Mexico on February 5th, I am going to live a different “lifestyle.”   I am going to use air-quotes a lot.  I am going to eat only meats and veggies, and some cheese.  I am not going to give up my full-of-artificial-sweetener daily morning iced coffee.  BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO!  I am going to hit the gym often and hard.  I am going to focus on weight lifting AND getting back up to running.  It may be unrealistic to think I will be able to live up to my daydream of getting up early to go for a jog through Cozumel before the cruise ships have debarked and everyone is still sleeping, but I can CERTAINLY go for a jog/walk…. and maybe even mostly a jog!

Tricky areas and plan of attack:

My job.

I work 12-14 hour shifts on Monday and Tuesday every week.  Then I work 8pm to 8am Thursday nights.  I use my job as an excuse to eat McDonald’s because I fucking LOVE their plain cheeseburgers and fries.  So good.  Judge away… I don’t care.  I realize that for most people McD’s is something they eat because they need to grab something and go.  I actually LOOK FORWARD to Mondays and Tuesdays because I know I get to have McDonald’s if I get called out.

Night shifts are an issue as well.  Sometimes I just get to sleep and they don’t disrupt life at all.  Sometimes I am out all night and I never know what to eat or not eat.  Part of me feels like I shouldn’t eat anything because I normally wouldn’t if I was sleeping, but the other part of me gets HAAAAANGRY!!  And also when I get home and go to sleep, I have trouble sleeping long enough if I am hungry.

PLAN OF ATTACK:

  • BREAKFAST- I will eat SOMETHING before I head out the door in the morning
  • If I can go to McDonalds, I can ALSO go to the grocery store and grab things that aren’t McDonald’s.  I can’t even think of a McDonald’s that isn’t within a mile of a grocery store.
  • I will try to pack stuff.  This one is kind of a pipe dream.  I suck at this and because of the way my job is, it’s hard to even know what to pack.  Sometimes I am on the road all day.  Sometimes I am in hospitals.  Sometimes I am home.  Usually it’s a mix of all of them.  

And…. as I type this…. I get paged….