Motivation

Some snaps from the 21-day challenge that I just SLAYED AND TOOK NO PRISONERS!!!

On June 27th I went to the doctor because I was a sicky-sicky and concerned about possible Lyme disease.  Not only was the number on the scale was no bueno, but I also had high blood pressure, which has never been an issue for me (except when I was pregnant).  She suspected that the HBP was due to illness, but said, “Well when we make your appointment for your yearly physical, we will want to check that again and possibly need to start treating it.”  We all know what that means. Drugs.  No, thank you.

I had already been exercising, and trying (<–note the word trying) to eat right, but I left at appointment feeling the need to kick things into gear and get into shape.  Part of my daily motivation was the August 25th appointment for a physical.  I daydream about going in and having a much better scale number and a normal blood pressure.  I daydream about the doctor (who I have never met) saying something about my weight and being able to say, "Well, as you can see, I have lost weight since my last visit here.  I run 3 miles every other day, and I do strength and flexibility training on the other days, so I'm good!"

Today they called and rescheduled my appointment for freaking October!  A tiny part of me feels like I have lost that ‘immediate motivator.’  I was even counting on that appointment to keep me in check during our upcoming trip to Vegas and Dallas since it was 2 days after arriving home.  Just a tiny part though… I have plenty of motivators in my husband, and even moreso the way I FEEL!  I am full of energy and yesterday I suddenly noticed that I had to be more careful shaving my legs because of the definition in my calves LOL!!!! 

I wasn’t going to join this month’s challenge group because we are traveling so much and have a lot going on, but maybe I should.  I may need those daily reminders and motivators.

FU July.

As I watch the second of our 2 cars being hauled off by a tow truck–both this morning, I thought myself, “WELL FUCK JULY SO FAR!”  Then I remembered my mom saying in an email the other day, “Blog, girl, blog.  It’s cheaper than psychotherapy 😉

So… July started with my baby moving 12 hours away, and not-at-all in the way we had planned.  The plan was to load her and her friend up in a moving truck, and wave goodbye as they drove off into the horizon.  Then her friend decided she couldn’t go for 2 more weeks, which threw Jessi (and the rest of us) in turmoil over whether or not to go or wait.  From a place of strength and determination, and despite being terrified,  Jessi decided just to go on her own.  ….which was great except we had to figure out how to get her, and at least SOME of her stuff there. After lots of discussion, we ended up buying her a plane ticket from Boston.  We would drive her down, stay one night down there with her, put her on the plane with 2 giant checked bags, and head home.  We also used http://www.busfreighter.com to ship her a bunch of boxes through greyhound.  Cheapest option by far; fingers crossed the boxes make it there.

Since I was dealing with all of Jessi’s stuff, and my emotions surrounding said ‘stuff,’ and was sick the whole beginning of the week with either the flu or Lyme, I totally flaked on my assignments due for school this week.  I did just get one done, but it was late, so I will be marked down, and I still have one more to get done.  I hate that shit.  I am a bit of a perfectionist about grad school.

One last tackle

Add onto this that this house is a complete shambles.  Since Jessi couldn’t take everything, she had to make choices about what she really wanted to keep and what she didn’t.  Since there was no time for her to dispose of (Goodwill, trash, friends, etc.doritos), it’s all left here for me to deal with.  Also, Sean is moving into her bedroom, and we are moving all of our clothes and stuff into his old room,  so that is also a work-in-progress-disaster.
Emotionally… well… I haven’t cried yet today-even while typing all this, so, just the fact that I consider that a triumph should hint to my recent emotional state.  I miss that girl like crazy!  My movie/shopping/cooking/roadtrip/hang out buddy is 12 hours away now 😦   …in a city all alone!

All I can picture is her when she looked like this, standing in the middle of Richmond, looking like this surrounded by her bags looking lost & confused —(Which is COMPLETELY not the case, BTW!  She is killing it!)

Saturday when we got home from Boston, I allowed myself ONE NIGHT to wallow in Doritos, sour cream, and rum.    Sunday morning we ALL,  even Sean, got back to healthy eating and exercise.   It feels good to be in control and mindful of the fact that I am going to want to eat junk because I am sad, but not giving in to that feeling!  The exercise and running has helped me immensely– just like it did when I went through my divorce.  Gives me something to focus on and also gets out the yucky energy!

Sean, Luna, and I out for an early run this morning… in between the cars breaking

Day 4 —It’s still a chore.

While I don’t plan to count the days like I did last time.  Today is day 4.  It’s been tough to get back into it.  Sugar does NOT fuck around.  It knows how to find you in your weakest moments and just whisper sweet nothings in your ear. I am still shocked that I didn’t give in to my sweet devil on Tuesday.  I had a long, crazy shift, with no time to eat.  When I finished up with what I hoped would be my last client at 9pm, I dreaded going home and having to prepare something for supper.  I{ was STARVING, to the point of being shaky and irrational.  So I used a lifeline.  I called Lonnie and talked to him on the phone because I knew if  I was talking to him when I passed McDonald’s, I wouldn’t pull in.  It WORKED!  Not only did it work, but I felt empowered enough to take the time to stop at the grocery store and pick up some salad stuff.  ( I LOVE salad!!! —no sarcasm!  I LOVE IT!)

When I got home, I was all ready to make a yummy salad with the stuff I bought, and walked into the kitchen to find a very handsome man cooking me a very late supper.  I was shocked because when we talked on the phone, he was in bed watching TV and settled in for the night.  Damn I love that man!
THIS WEEKS TIPS AND SAVES…

  1. USE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM!  
  2. When the sweet beast was fighting me hard this week, I got a sugar-free iced coffee.  It totally did the trick!  (Yes I know about artifical sweeteners blah blah blah……)

Blog deux

I have been doing lots of blogging over on my other blog.  I am using that other blog as a motivational journal to stay on track of eating healthy and exercising.  (Ok…. it hasn’t worked so far to get me to exercise, but it will, I’m sure!!)

As I type this, I kind of wonder why I chose to separate out my never-ending-quest-to-be-less-fat from my blog of regular life….  I mean this IS my life.  I think it’s because I am thinking of the other blog more like a journal and am really trying to blog daily and didn’t want to bog down this blog with that minutia.  But that doesn’t really make sense, does it?
Now I am thinking about making tabs.
Well, whatever I decide to do, if you would like to follow my current stand, click that picture up there!

Happy New Year!

When I wasn’t working and doing fun stuff, I spent a good part of 2015 going back and forth about grad school.  I even applied to a couple.  But ultimately decided that I just don’t feel right adding to my already enormously high student loan mountain of debt.  …that is already growing since I am helping Jessi pay for college…. and interest of course.  I would love to get my Master’s.  I LOVE school and I would also love to be more marketable once we starting planning our move from Maine, and I have the time for it with the job I have now.  So if I could just win the lottery……    I have few regrets in life as everything I have lived through has made me the bucket of awesomesauce that I am today,  but I definitely regret spending all that money and time going to Husson University to get my teaching credentials.  I could have my graduate degree, and instead I have nothing since I didn’t finish the program by doing student teaching.  (THAT I do not regret, as I now know that teaching is NOT my calling!)

I have also spent a good part of the year eliminating things, and people, from my life–and my Facebook that cause me drama and discord.  I am instituting Flylady’s general philosophy of ‘If you look at it and it doesn’t make you smile, you don’t need it in your life.’  Perhaps in 2016 I can institute the actual housecleaning part of the Flyolady philosophy  LOL…. WHO ARE WE KIDDING!!??

So now…. I present to you (and future me)…..

My favorite moments in 2015!!!
BTW- You KNOW you are living your best life when you give up on narrowing down the moments to one per month!  🙂

February- We built an awesome new kitchen isalnd!
March- family trip to Mexico!
Lonnie gets some new wheels!  The first vehicle he has ever owned that he doesn’t have to worry, “Will I make it there?”

We got a pasta maker for Christmas and made a LOT of ramen in 2015.  YUMMMMMM
Ed Sheeran concert… that we enjoyed for FREE on a hill outside the venue!

A very chilly Train concert

LOTS of summer swimming

The Popham Beach camping trip that turned into a Portland, Maine hotel weekend 😉

I Kayaked for the first time!!  AND LOVED IT!  I also crocheted for the first time… that did not go quite as well 😉
LOTS OF ROAD TRIPS!!!  Aquaboggin…. Bar Harbor…. Boston…. Portland….

Jessi got her license AND bought herself a car!!

We never give up trying to get fit!  We also never really suceed… but we keep on trying!

Lonnie became a PAELLA MASTER!!

Mom came up and rented a cottage on the coast

ONE DIRECTION!!!!!

Family trip to Beantown

SPORTS!!  Hockey and football games…. LOVE LOVE LOVE

NEW KITTEN!!  Gandolf aka Will Feral

Food and Spirits festival
Turkey Day!! …followed by the BEST BLACK FRIDAY EVER!!

A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS SEASON (And no, most of those projects never happened lol)


Looking forward to LOTS MORE ADVENTURES in 2016!!

Life got in the way

Boston aquarium and an excuse to show of my man’s sexy arm 😉

It happens.  September arrived, and with it a flurry of activity and emotions.  We started our new fall work schedules (a new schedule that  I LOVE, but was a big change nonetheless), Jessi headed back to UMaine, Sean started 8th grade, Mom came for a surprise visit, we went on our long-awaited long weekend to Boston…….. etc etc etc…..

All were WONDERFUL excuses to not count points and stick to Weight Watchers.  I CAN proudly say that I have continued to exercise!  Yay me!

But now I am at a crossroads of sorts.  I am not feeling WW at all.  I have considered going back to low-carb for awhile.  But honestly…. as of this moment.  I am just feeling sticking to exercise and trying to be more mindful about what I stuff in my face and why I am doing said stuffing.

Speaking of WHY….  Nicole (bff) and I were talking about all my yearly autumn drama
Nicole: Why ARE you such a mess every year at this time?
Me:  I don’t fucking know…  because everything changes and it’s really busy and irritating.
Nicole: Hmmmm…. I think there is more to it then that.  When did your father leave?
Me: Holy shit.
Nicole:  :::::mic drop:::::

Now I have no idea if she is really onto something, but who knows?  Talking with my mom about it, she thinks that if there is a connection there, it would also include moving to Maine a few months beforehand and leaving behind my entire life in Connecticut.  And even if they ARE related, I need to learn to manage my behavior no matter WHAT the reason is for engaging in said behavior. …
Or maybe just work on being less crazy in general.  LOL NAH!!!!  What fun would THAT be!!??

And now some pics from the past couple weeks adventures…..
Sangria and a visit from Mom, which also included an unexpected lovely weekend at a cottage in Northport, Maine.

ONE DIRECTION!!!!  (Yes I am a 13 year old in a forty-something body.)
Jessi’s “new” car and back to school

Sassy new hair… that husband hated.  (“It’s so STRAIGHT?  Where’s my wild-haired girl??”) 

Nothin’ to it but to KEEP DOIN’ IT!!!
Lonnie grillin’ up some Paella during Mom’s visit.
Another gratuitous sexy husband pic.  LOOK AT THOSE CALVES!

Instant gratification

My life long enemy.

I want it and I want it now and if I can’t have it now that I don’t fucking want it I want something else instead.

Yes, I am a 2 year old pirate in a 41 year old body.

I tend to embrace most of my “faults” and don’t try to change them because they are part of who I am, and I like me!  But this one… this inability to wait for things… is something that I need to work on if I want to like me EVEN MORE!

Weight Watchers has been a HUGE lesson in this.  Many days I feel like it is not working.  This is completely asinine as I have lost weight every week except one (and that one I can blame on hormones!).  This morning was my seventh weigh-in and as of today I have lost 14 pounds.  That is not, “not working.”  That is ‘slow and steady wins the race.’  I hate ‘slow and steady wins the race.’  I like “GO GO GO aaaaaaannnnnnnd DONE!!!”

Running… another lesson.  I love me some running.  I feel awesome physically and mentally when I am running.  (ok… mostly right AFTER the running LOL)  But I am a fat chick, so I can’t just jump off my steps and run 3 miles.  I hate that.  I am up to week 4 of couch to 5k and it was going very well, until I twisted my knee (not even running… just STANDING!), and had to take a week off.  I wanted to run anyway and just deal with it, but I told myself daily, “Don’t be fool.  If you want to run, you have to wait this out or you will ruin yourself and running will not even be an option.”  Setbacks are about the worst thing in the world next to that ‘slow and steady wins the race’ bullshit.