Eat. ____. Love.

It’s blizzahd out there, bub! <<insert Maine accent there>>

Here I sit; In my jammies, drowning in phlegm, with enough Sudafed and Dayquil in me to kill an elephant, but not the aching ringing in my ears.  …..and there goes the internet.  Great.  Now what?

DVDS!  We have lots of those hidden away in a drawer for occasions just like this!

“Eat. Pray. Love.”  Why the hell not?

Watching this movie used to be a full-on EXPERIENCE for me.  I would sit there longing of taking my own journey to find what I was missing.  I would daydream of the places I would go.  The people I would meet.  The new life I would build. I would immerse myself into daydreams and plans for days on end after watching.

Today?  Nothing. I don’t need a journey.  I already took it without even leaving the greater Bangor area.  I just had to realize that I was worth more than I gave myself credit for.  I had to open myself up and accept that I needed to change myself, not just my situation.

P.S. I still can’t meditate or even maintain focus through and entire yoga class.  And I’m ok with that!

Day 4 —It’s still a chore.

While I don’t plan to count the days like I did last time.  Today is day 4.  It’s been tough to get back into it.  Sugar does NOT fuck around.  It knows how to find you in your weakest moments and just whisper sweet nothings in your ear. I am still shocked that I didn’t give in to my sweet devil on Tuesday.  I had a long, crazy shift, with no time to eat.  When I finished up with what I hoped would be my last client at 9pm, I dreaded going home and having to prepare something for supper.  I{ was STARVING, to the point of being shaky and irrational.  So I used a lifeline.  I called Lonnie and talked to him on the phone because I knew if  I was talking to him when I passed McDonald’s, I wouldn’t pull in.  It WORKED!  Not only did it work, but I felt empowered enough to take the time to stop at the grocery store and pick up some salad stuff.  ( I LOVE salad!!! —no sarcasm!  I LOVE IT!)

When I got home, I was all ready to make a yummy salad with the stuff I bought, and walked into the kitchen to find a very handsome man cooking me a very late supper.  I was shocked because when we talked on the phone, he was in bed watching TV and settled in for the night.  Damn I love that man!
THIS WEEKS TIPS AND SAVES…

  1. USE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM!  
  2. When the sweet beast was fighting me hard this week, I got a sugar-free iced coffee.  It totally did the trick!  (Yes I know about artifical sweeteners blah blah blah……)

Life got in the way

Boston aquarium and an excuse to show of my man’s sexy arm 😉

It happens.  September arrived, and with it a flurry of activity and emotions.  We started our new fall work schedules (a new schedule that  I LOVE, but was a big change nonetheless), Jessi headed back to UMaine, Sean started 8th grade, Mom came for a surprise visit, we went on our long-awaited long weekend to Boston…….. etc etc etc…..

All were WONDERFUL excuses to not count points and stick to Weight Watchers.  I CAN proudly say that I have continued to exercise!  Yay me!

But now I am at a crossroads of sorts.  I am not feeling WW at all.  I have considered going back to low-carb for awhile.  But honestly…. as of this moment.  I am just feeling sticking to exercise and trying to be more mindful about what I stuff in my face and why I am doing said stuffing.

Speaking of WHY….  Nicole (bff) and I were talking about all my yearly autumn drama
Nicole: Why ARE you such a mess every year at this time?
Me:  I don’t fucking know…  because everything changes and it’s really busy and irritating.
Nicole: Hmmmm…. I think there is more to it then that.  When did your father leave?
Me: Holy shit.
Nicole:  :::::mic drop:::::

Now I have no idea if she is really onto something, but who knows?  Talking with my mom about it, she thinks that if there is a connection there, it would also include moving to Maine a few months beforehand and leaving behind my entire life in Connecticut.  And even if they ARE related, I need to learn to manage my behavior no matter WHAT the reason is for engaging in said behavior. …
Or maybe just work on being less crazy in general.  LOL NAH!!!!  What fun would THAT be!!??

And now some pics from the past couple weeks adventures…..
Sangria and a visit from Mom, which also included an unexpected lovely weekend at a cottage in Northport, Maine.

ONE DIRECTION!!!!  (Yes I am a 13 year old in a forty-something body.)
Jessi’s “new” car and back to school

Sassy new hair… that husband hated.  (“It’s so STRAIGHT?  Where’s my wild-haired girl??”) 

Nothin’ to it but to KEEP DOIN’ IT!!!
Lonnie grillin’ up some Paella during Mom’s visit.
Another gratuitous sexy husband pic.  LOOK AT THOSE CALVES!

Cheese alert. You’ve been warned.

Random web pic from https://energytalkradio.wordpress.com/ but it was this bright! 

Last night on my way home from work, I saw the coolest falling star I have ever seen.  It was HUGE and super bright sailed across the sky for a LONG time.  It was way cool.  After I ooohed and ahhhhed to myself, I suddenly thought,  “Ooooohhhhh I am supposed to make a wish and this was such a neat star that it has to be a good one!!” …..and for the life of me, I couldn’t think of anything I would wish for!!

Thoughts that crossed my mind….

Money:  Well yeah more could be fun, but we have to have to work to earn our fun stuff, which makes us appreciate it more!!  And frankly, rich people don’t seem all that happy. And also… wishing for more just seems greedy since there are so many that have so little.

Skinny!:  Meh.  Sure I want to lose weight, but I am working on it and I don’t want a quick fix since I know that the problem is not my body, it’s my mind!

World Peace:  Yeah I totally went there.  And then thought about the Matrix and how they tried to make a utopia and the program failed because humans thrive on misery or some shit like that.  Oh. my. god. I am such a nerd ROFL

So in the end of this harried thought process (because, you know… there is a short window of wish time…. #science), my final wish was that I stay as happy as I am right now.

For the rest of the ride home, I just thought about all of the things I had to be grateful for (my job that allowed me to see the star in the first place (and that just plain rules), my husband, my two kids who drive me crazy– yet still make sure I know they love me every day, my family, my awesome friends, my giant-yet-cheap apartment……etc etc etc, and then couldn’t sleep when I got home because I was all wound up 😉

#endcheese

Man Crush Monday…. on Tuesday.

Last night Lonnie took the dogs out to do their business and when he came in, he brought me a quarter and exclaimed, “I found a quarter in the driveway!!”

As you might expect, I looked at him like he was crazy as I opened my hand to accept his gift and said, “Um….. thank you…..?”

And then he explained that he always looks for quarters, and whenever he finds them or gets them back as change, he puts them in my car’s cup holder because he knows I like to get 75 cent fountain sodas.  But I had locked my car last night, so he couldn’t put it in there.

I had NO IDEA he has always done this.  Yes… I use the quarters, and a time or two thought for a split second, “Did I put those there?” before my ever-thought-racing brain moved on to the next random thought.  It never occurred to me that I had a quarter-knight-in-shining-armor.  (Quarter Fairy sounded wrong…lol)

It really is the little things.