Metaphysical Friday

First off. Let’s pretend I didn’t just spend 15 minutes finding a title for this series. Thesaurus.com anyone? Alliteration anyone?

I had a great discussion with my bff today about dreams after listening to this week’s Oprah Supersoul Sunday podcast and thinking… ‘Shit. I’m not sure I HAVE dreams! What does that even mean!?’ (As in the ‘hopes and….’ – – not the nighttime ones. I have PLENTY of those!)

Our talk got cut a bit short because of stupid work and life, but I’m still a little hung up on the difference between dreams and ‘stuff I want to do someday.’ I think the ‘stuff I want to do someday’ list could be endless!

  • Swim around WILD dolphins (Don’t even get me started on those horrible ‘swim with a sad caged creature ‘experiences’)
  • Live in someplace other than Maine, and then maybe someplace other than that!
  • Travel to Europe, Thailand, the Philippines, India (maybe), Iceland, the Galapagos (will never happen), the Island where they filmed Jurassic Park (could happen but that boat ride is a DOOZY)
  • Slide down a hill in Switzerland on that little roller coaster thingy!
  • Be less fat
  • Squish grandbabies
  • Have a parrot (Also probably will never happen)
  • Have a Jeep Wrangler
  • Ride bitch with Lonnie on a Harley
  • Sit in those cool recliney seats in first class with the screen in-between so when I annoy Lonnie and his Sudoku too much with my chatter, he can close the screen on me 😀

…..like I said, that list could go on….. and on……..

Dreams seem like they should be BIGGER.

The only “dream” I could come up with is that I would like to write a book someday. This is why I blog. I love to write and cannot wrap my head around the giant task of a whole book. My blog is my half-assed book.

Then there are daydreams. Are those dreams? My most common one (the one I fall asleep to many nights) is Lonnie and I living on a small island as caretakers of a small resort or estate. Catching fish with spears and digging for shellfish to catch our dinner to cook with stuff from our garden 🙂 No internet. Naps in hammocks. Occasional trips to civilization for supplies. :::::sigh:::::

Eat. ____. Love.

It’s blizzahd out there, bub! <<insert Maine accent there>>

Here I sit; In my jammies, drowning in phlegm, with enough Sudafed and Dayquil in me to kill an elephant, but not the aching ringing in my ears.  …..and there goes the internet.  Great.  Now what?

DVDS!  We have lots of those hidden away in a drawer for occasions just like this!

“Eat. Pray. Love.”  Why the hell not?

Watching this movie used to be a full-on EXPERIENCE for me.  I would sit there longing of taking my own journey to find what I was missing.  I would daydream of the places I would go.  The people I would meet.  The new life I would build. I would immerse myself into daydreams and plans for days on end after watching.

Today?  Nothing. I don’t need a journey.  I already took it without even leaving the greater Bangor area.  I just had to realize that I was worth more than I gave myself credit for.  I had to open myself up and accept that I needed to change myself, not just my situation.

P.S. I still can’t meditate or even maintain focus through and entire yoga class.  And I’m ok with that!

Body acceptance AKA Santa

So dusty…..  Time to clean it up and face reality. 

Today I read a post on Emily Nolan’s blog about her decision to lose weight.  This decision is huge because she is a large part of the ‘body-acceptance-love-the-skin-you’re-in’ movement.  I don’t know her entire life history or anything, but I think she is a plus-sized model.  (Ok… maybe my mind just has her grouped in with Ashley Graham, Danika Brysha and assume she is also a model? …but I DO know that she was doing something with Lululemon at some point, so I think I am right. —hey…there is no research team here at Constant Commentary!)  The backlash on these ‘not size 0’ ladies when they lose weight is absolutely disgusting, but…. I get it.  I would never SAY the horrible things that I see people say on their insta-blog-tweet-fbs, but I get it.

As I read her post today, I was annoyed at her talking about her focus on the numbers on the scale and at the same time trying to say that we should not focus on the numbers on the scale.  I was honestly just annoyed in general, so I sat with that for awhile.  WHY was I annoyed? Who the fuck am I to be annoyed?  I think it boils down to 2 things:

 1. These ladies are our champions in a world that tells us every day that we don’t look like we should, so when they jump ship, we feel betrayed.

2. If they are losing weight, then they never really bought into the fact that you can be pretty AND fat, so we cannot buy into it either.  AND If #2 is the truth, we cannot rest easy (aka LAZY) in just saying “I love my curves!” and burying our heads in the sand about our unhealthy bodies.  And THAT ONE, my friends, stings a bit!

Is there really such a thing as body acceptance when you are fat?  I don’t believe there is.  It’s a myth.  Like Santa.  Something us chubby girls love to believe in, but when Christmas Eve comes along, we all know that fat bastard ain’t fittin’ down no chimney.

Sometimes you see things exactly when you need to.  I’ve been going pretty hard at fitness and eating right.  Since I was anti-scale, I have been relying on the fit of my clothes and how I feel, which is GREAT, however, without those black-and-white numbers, it’s easy to get down on yourself when you are “in a mood” and can’t see/feel those intangible improvements.  So after reading and thinking today, I dug out and dusted off my scale and learned that I’ve lost 15 pounds!  …and THAT, folks, is no myth!  🙂

Motivation

Some snaps from the 21-day challenge that I just SLAYED AND TOOK NO PRISONERS!!!

On June 27th I went to the doctor because I was a sicky-sicky and concerned about possible Lyme disease.  Not only was the number on the scale was no bueno, but I also had high blood pressure, which has never been an issue for me (except when I was pregnant).  She suspected that the HBP was due to illness, but said, “Well when we make your appointment for your yearly physical, we will want to check that again and possibly need to start treating it.”  We all know what that means. Drugs.  No, thank you.

I had already been exercising, and trying (<–note the word trying) to eat right, but I left at appointment feeling the need to kick things into gear and get into shape.  Part of my daily motivation was the August 25th appointment for a physical.  I daydream about going in and having a much better scale number and a normal blood pressure.  I daydream about the doctor (who I have never met) saying something about my weight and being able to say, "Well, as you can see, I have lost weight since my last visit here.  I run 3 miles every other day, and I do strength and flexibility training on the other days, so I'm good!"

Today they called and rescheduled my appointment for freaking October!  A tiny part of me feels like I have lost that ‘immediate motivator.’  I was even counting on that appointment to keep me in check during our upcoming trip to Vegas and Dallas since it was 2 days after arriving home.  Just a tiny part though… I have plenty of motivators in my husband, and even moreso the way I FEEL!  I am full of energy and yesterday I suddenly noticed that I had to be more careful shaving my legs because of the definition in my calves LOL!!!! 

I wasn’t going to join this month’s challenge group because we are traveling so much and have a lot going on, but maybe I should.  I may need those daily reminders and motivators.

Day 1 of FITNESS CHALLEGE #3

The goal of these Facebook challenges is to have bettered yourself in some way by the end of the 21 days.  It’s also based on the theory that it takes 21 days to make a habit.  Every day you get 1 point for an exercise photo and 1 point for a healthy eating photo, and every point is an entry for a drawing and a t-shirt.  I won a t-shirt last month!! WINNING!!

Last week was a break from the challenges for the holiday, but it wasn’t a break for me!  Lonnie has finally jumped on board with me and we kissed sugar goodbye last Sunday.  Honestly, for some reason it hasn’t even been that hard.  And it is AMAZING the changes that happen so quickly when junk food and sugar aren’t in my system…

  • I feel thinner and lighter within a couple days.  
  • My mental clarity and focus improve right away.  Which was AWESOME because it allowed me to get COMPLETELY caught up in my coursework. Having that hanging over my head was really bothering me.
  • I actually FEEL LIKE exercising, so it’s not forced and annoying.
  • ENERGY— I HAS IT!  We have made LOTS of progress around the house the past few days.  LOTS of dump trips, sorting, AND we redid Sean’s room for him (He wanted to move into Jessi’s room) and it looks AWESOME!! 

Having this to focus on has helped with the transition of Jessi moving away. Speaking of Jessi; she seems to be doing GREAT down in Richmond.  It’s clear to me now that a big part of this move was to gain some independence from me, so while it’s weird and a little sad for me to not know her every move and feeling and not talk to her as much as I used to.  It’s awesome that she is strong enough to take this step for herself!  Whoa…. typing that brought on the tears a little.  I thought I was done with those!!  DAMNIT!!

Off to pick up Sean who is doing his Monday jog up at the “track.” (air quotes because this is Winterport and the term track is very.  VERY. loose.  It’s really just a worn down path around a soccer field.)

Challenge Complete!

Today is day 21 of my 21-day challenge.

I consider it a resounding success even though I did not “GO HARD AND CLEAN” every day.  I have made serious progress towards fitness.

  • I haven’t had soda in over three weeks and I DO NOT MISS it anymore!
  • I am making exercise a priority more often than not.
  • Day One of t25, I thought I was going to die.  Today…. I felt sweaty, and hot, and it was hard, but NO DYING!!
  • I have more energy
  • I am making small good food choices all day long rather than being “all or nothing.”  This is huge for me.  If I have something “bad,”  it’s fine, it’s called LIVING.  I just have something good next time I am hungry.  No more… “Well I ate that cookie, so THIS DAY/WEEK/MONTH is blown, may as well eat ALL THE THINGS!”
  • I am drinking WATER.  Like…. ON PURPOSE!!  And I don’t hate it!

Since I did so well with this challenge, even though I often half-assed it and did not give it my all.  I have joined another that starts tomorrow and plan to really go hard this time witht the exercise.  I would to be back in my old running shape again.  Fucking Timehop taunts me with that body every day!!

21 Day challenge- I does it.

Well “does it” may be stretching it.  I just started yesterday.

One of my coworkers, Cathy,  became a beachbody coach and started this little facebook group/challenge and I was like. “HELL YEAH I AM IN!”  (ok, I was more like, “oooh wouldn’t it be great if I actually followed through with this, but we all know I probably won’t”)

I work noon to midnight on Mondays and Tuesdays.  I actually chose that shift on purpose with the daydream of “Oooh… I’ll get up and exercise before work, and get stuff done, and it will just be sunshine and roses every day!!!”  Day 1 I laid in bed and have convinced myself to exercise later… tomorrow…

Then a got a notification on my phone.  Cathy had posted a picture of herself having just worked out.  Oh HELL NO!!  If she is up and working out, I have NO excuse!!!  So I did it.  And it sucked.  a LOT.  I did t25 and it was ROUGH.  It showed me that I REALLY need to embrace this challenge and stop letting myself go.  I am so out-of-shape right now.  It was very evident on our trip and I hate it.  There are SO many pictures that are cute aside from the giant whale standing right in the center and will never be posted.  But even more important…. I need my energy back!! I need to not feel lame after a day of walking around!

So… MY GOALS for the next 21 days….

NO MORE DIET SODA!!
LOTS MORE WATER!
EXERCISE EVERY DAY!!
LESS JUNKFOOD!  (I am not going to be unrealistic here.  I tend to be an ALL OR NOTHING kind of girl and that has gotten me where I am today.  So LESS is better than …not less.  lol)