Day 1 of FITNESS CHALLEGE #3

The goal of these Facebook challenges is to have bettered yourself in some way by the end of the 21 days.  It’s also based on the theory that it takes 21 days to make a habit.  Every day you get 1 point for an exercise photo and 1 point for a healthy eating photo, and every point is an entry for a drawing and a t-shirt.  I won a t-shirt last month!! WINNING!!

Last week was a break from the challenges for the holiday, but it wasn’t a break for me!  Lonnie has finally jumped on board with me and we kissed sugar goodbye last Sunday.  Honestly, for some reason it hasn’t even been that hard.  And it is AMAZING the changes that happen so quickly when junk food and sugar aren’t in my system…

  • I feel thinner and lighter within a couple days.  
  • My mental clarity and focus improve right away.  Which was AWESOME because it allowed me to get COMPLETELY caught up in my coursework. Having that hanging over my head was really bothering me.
  • I actually FEEL LIKE exercising, so it’s not forced and annoying.
  • ENERGY— I HAS IT!  We have made LOTS of progress around the house the past few days.  LOTS of dump trips, sorting, AND we redid Sean’s room for him (He wanted to move into Jessi’s room) and it looks AWESOME!! 

Having this to focus on has helped with the transition of Jessi moving away. Speaking of Jessi; she seems to be doing GREAT down in Richmond.  It’s clear to me now that a big part of this move was to gain some independence from me, so while it’s weird and a little sad for me to not know her every move and feeling and not talk to her as much as I used to.  It’s awesome that she is strong enough to take this step for herself!  Whoa…. typing that brought on the tears a little.  I thought I was done with those!!  DAMNIT!!

Off to pick up Sean who is doing his Monday jog up at the “track.” (air quotes because this is Winterport and the term track is very.  VERY. loose.  It’s really just a worn down path around a soccer field.)

Challenge complete!

So I finished another 3 week challenge.  I did not finish very strong, kinda let the ole PMS derail things.  I also have been under-the-weather the past few days with either the flu or lyme disease. Fantastic.

ANYWAY….

I am still off soda.  I don’t even miss it anymore.
I am am loving water!
I am starting to actually enjoy exercise again… (well except for the past couple days)

BUT….
I went to the doctor today (see above), and got weighed.  It was bad. Really bad. Makes me feel like all these great changes have been for nothing and that sucks.  It’s not like I don’t know why though.  I have been eating a lot of shit.  That dam convenience store down the road is the bane of my existence.  Especially since I am Mrs. Eatsmyfeelings and I am having a lot of feelings to eat lately!

My plan.  Give myself a break until Jessi heads to Richmond at the end of the week, then it’s FUCKING ON!  NO more convenience store. Continuing with working out.  And eating…?? I have no idea.  Should I weight watchers again?  Should I low carb?  Should I go back to the divorce diet of blow pops and only dinner?

Oh Verruca….

Instead if the “weekly shows nothing selfie,
Here is one that actually does show something.
And you know what?  I don’t even hate it.

We’ve taken a few days off.  Not completely off, but a bit relaxed.  We had some cake for Sean’s birthday.  And Sean requested birthday lasagna as well.  Damn my lasagna is good.  I did do some little things to create the illusion of control …like make a smaller pan of lasagna.  And other than those things over the weekend, I stayed away from sugar. Including that Easter candy that continues to linger around the house.

Then yesterday I continued to be “off it” a bit.  I had a busy day and not-gonna-lie, the second I went out the door, I knew I was going to use my business as an excuse to have my favorite McDonald’s meal —even though I easily could have made a better choice.  Verruca (and Ms. PMS) wanted it…. and Colleen gave in.  Then when I got home from work, there were 2 pieces of cake left and I did my old… “Well… I already had McDonald’s…. may as well have a piece and get it out of here……”

Blogging this morning felt essential to get myself back on track before going completely off the rails again like we did after vacation.

BY THE WAY!!!  the “getting up at 9am every day thing” has been FANTASTIC!!  There had been a few days where I have fought it a bit, but Lonnie relentlessly texted and called me to make sure I got up.  I can’t believe how much more shit I have gotten done because I just have so much more time and FELT like it!!!  It’s already become a bit of a habit, as this morning, I did NOT want to get up, but was WIDE awake and ended up getting up since I couldn’t force myself to go back to sleep.  So…. WINNING!!!

Mind Blown

Last week I heard a Dr. Laura call from a woman who was unable to make decisions or choices.  After much discussion it was established that “So you lost your childhood and now you are trying to get it back every day by not making decisions and forcing other’s to make decisions for you.  ‘Child’ you didn’t feel protected and cared for, and ‘adult’ you is making up for it by forcing others to care for you…. make decisions for you, basically treat you like the child that you never got to be.”  My mind was 3/4s blown, with parallels still running through my mind almost a week later.

The FULL BLOW came while Lonnie and I were shopping at BJs (haha!).  I noticed the iced tea drink mix stuff and confessed to Lonnie that as a kid I used to sneak into the kitchen put some of the powder in a cup, make a paste out of it with water, and take it back up to my room and slowly savor revel in the joy of every little spoonful.  My mouth is actually watering as I type this.  Of course he was disgusted by this confectionary confession, and while laughing and trying to convince him of it’s deliciousness, I said, “NO!!!  It’s REALLY GOOD!  It tastes just like Lemonheads or Sour Patch Kids!!!  With the sour and the grainy sugary-ness…..” 

I stopped dead in the aisle,  stunned at what I had just said.  Lonnie noticed within a few steps and turned around to see me standing there with my fully-blown mind and quizzically looked at me.  “OH. MY. GOD.  IT TASTES JUST LIKE SOUR PATCH KIDS!!!!”

I eat a LOT of Sour Patch Kids.  Like, a LOT.  I have them 6 of 7 days a week, sometimes the full 7, maybe sometimes 9.  My favorite part of the day is laying on the couch snuggled up on Lonnie, digging through my bag of Sour Patch Kids to avoid the blue ones (yuck).  I always eat 2 at a time and certain color combos taste better than others. Green ONLY goes with other green or yellow!  😉

This happened on Friday and I haven’t had any Sour Patch Kids since.  When I think about going to get some (just out of habit), my stomach votes ‘no’ and now my mind goes right to, “Well what is making you want those right now???”

This is by NO MEANS a declarative ‘I AM NEVER EATING SOUR PATCH KIDS AGAIN’ blog post.  That’s just crazy talk.  What this IS, is a ‘WHOA!  I AM DOING A DUMB THING FOR A DUMB, BUT UNDERSTANDABLE REASON!!!’ blog post.  

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christmas used to be my jam.  I was SOOOOO into it!!  I started pre-gaming for Black Friday the second the leaves started to turn!

Then I got divorced and everything changed.  The kids have to go here and there and everywhere and we have to schedule in Christmas.  Rick and I always had a giant rager of Christmas party that I always looked very forward to with all of our friends and that’s gone.  We always got up WELL BEFORE DAWN and headed over to his parent’s house for presents, food (CRAB DIP!), and fun… then after a nap…. LOBSTAH DINNAH!  ….and for me, that’s all gone.  And coincidentally, right around divorce time, the kids got older and less into toys that required me to line up and freeze my ass off with a bunch of other crazy people at midnight. These days they are more into clothes and pricey things, and their presents are divided between here and Rick’s house, with the result being the ‘under-the-tree- space looking more sparse with a few ‘big things’ than abundant with tons of ‘little things.’  (yeah yeah yeah Christmas is supposed to be about family and love and blah blah blah go away)

The past few years I have tried to make new traditions and stuff, but honestly it’s been a half-assed effort.  Let’s be real.  I’ve spent the past few Holiday seasons sulking, moping, and being ridiculous. Very ‘If I can’t have the Christmas the way I love then I don’t want it at all!!!!  SO THERE!’

Yesterday the kids (lol… @ “kids” since one of them is 20) and I were at Target and they ran into the Christmas section and were ALL about it, while I said things like, “Do I REALLY have to decorate?  It’s just a nuisance.”  Holy crap I am a jerk.  I thought about it all last night and sent this to Jessi this morning…

So it is ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!!!!!!!!!!!  LET’S DO THIS!!!!

BRING ME SOME GODDAMN SNACKS!!!

Usually when I have not blogged in a bit, it’s because I have fallen off the wagon and just don’t want to face that in font.  Today I come back to blogging after a little break still fully entrenched in my weight loss endeavor.  I have even started running again.  Lonnie and I are fast tracking ourselves through Couch to 5k.  We are and doing three run days in a row (which is week in the program), then taking a one day break, then starting another 3 days.  I assume we will hit a road block around week 5 or 6 where we will need to repeat some days, but maybe not!  It’s going well, and even though we are in the midst of a stifling heat/humidity wave, I have been able to easily complete the run segments.  This is not to say I am skipping out there with a giant smile on my face though  😉 

This summer has been a GIANT exercise in self-control and learning to find outlets for my emotions that don’t involve snacks.   We had some family drama that sadly had to result in my ending some relationships that meant a lot to me in order to protect myself.  I still think about that whole thing constantly and it’s definitely still a raw spot.  There has also been a LOT of boredom and frustration sharing a car with Jessi who has been working like a fiend all summer long to buy herself a car. I have been stuck at home car-less almost every day.  I haaaaaate feeling trapped!!!  With all of those triggers though, I must say, I am freaking killing it!  Having the Weight Watchers app… and a very black-and-white husband…  to keep me accountable has been a huge tool for keeping me on track when I just want to throw my arms up in the air and say, “FUCK THIS SHIT…. BRING ME SOME GODDAMN SNACKS!!!”
BUT…. one stressor has now resolved itself… 

I am soooooo proud of her!  She knew that she did not want a car payment while in college and worked her ass off and saved all her money this summer to buy herself a car outright.  While we are not exactly supporters of her Jetta obsession (and I suspect she won’t be either once something breaks and she gets that repair bill 😉 ), we are delighted that she is so happy and got exactly what she wanted!

And I. AM. FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Instant gratification

My life long enemy.

I want it and I want it now and if I can’t have it now that I don’t fucking want it I want something else instead.

Yes, I am a 2 year old pirate in a 41 year old body.

I tend to embrace most of my “faults” and don’t try to change them because they are part of who I am, and I like me!  But this one… this inability to wait for things… is something that I need to work on if I want to like me EVEN MORE!

Weight Watchers has been a HUGE lesson in this.  Many days I feel like it is not working.  This is completely asinine as I have lost weight every week except one (and that one I can blame on hormones!).  This morning was my seventh weigh-in and as of today I have lost 14 pounds.  That is not, “not working.”  That is ‘slow and steady wins the race.’  I hate ‘slow and steady wins the race.’  I like “GO GO GO aaaaaaannnnnnnd DONE!!!”

Running… another lesson.  I love me some running.  I feel awesome physically and mentally when I am running.  (ok… mostly right AFTER the running LOL)  But I am a fat chick, so I can’t just jump off my steps and run 3 miles.  I hate that.  I am up to week 4 of couch to 5k and it was going very well, until I twisted my knee (not even running… just STANDING!), and had to take a week off.  I wanted to run anyway and just deal with it, but I told myself daily, “Don’t be fool.  If you want to run, you have to wait this out or you will ruin yourself and running will not even be an option.”  Setbacks are about the worst thing in the world next to that ‘slow and steady wins the race’ bullshit.