Oh Verruca….

Instead if the “weekly shows nothing selfie,
Here is one that actually does show something.
And you know what?  I don’t even hate it.

We’ve taken a few days off.  Not completely off, but a bit relaxed.  We had some cake for Sean’s birthday.  And Sean requested birthday lasagna as well.  Damn my lasagna is good.  I did do some little things to create the illusion of control …like make a smaller pan of lasagna.  And other than those things over the weekend, I stayed away from sugar. Including that Easter candy that continues to linger around the house.

Then yesterday I continued to be “off it” a bit.  I had a busy day and not-gonna-lie, the second I went out the door, I knew I was going to use my business as an excuse to have my favorite McDonald’s meal —even though I easily could have made a better choice.  Verruca (and Ms. PMS) wanted it…. and Colleen gave in.  Then when I got home from work, there were 2 pieces of cake left and I did my old… “Well… I already had McDonald’s…. may as well have a piece and get it out of here……”

Blogging this morning felt essential to get myself back on track before going completely off the rails again like we did after vacation.

BY THE WAY!!!  the “getting up at 9am every day thing” has been FANTASTIC!!  There had been a few days where I have fought it a bit, but Lonnie relentlessly texted and called me to make sure I got up.  I can’t believe how much more shit I have gotten done because I just have so much more time and FELT like it!!!  It’s already become a bit of a habit, as this morning, I did NOT want to get up, but was WIDE awake and ended up getting up since I couldn’t force myself to go back to sleep.  So…. WINNING!!!

The Bunny Lost

Weekly coffee selfie… new diningroom location!

It was a long day but I made it through.  Lonnie and I both came close to giving in when Sean came home with so, so much candy and was like a crack dealer trying to share it with us.  But we stood strong.   I kept thinking, “Well it’s not like I am not going to have sugar at some point, why not on a holiday?”  and wondering if perhaps this torturing myself was just hollowing out a hole in my brain and I am eventually just going to go batshit crazy and EAT ALL THE THINGS to attempt to fill it up.  the funny thing is, at one point Lonnie said, “Just go ahead, pick like 4 pieces and keep it to that.”

  1. :::insert spoiled voice::: I don’t WANT 4 stupid pieces.  I want 104.
  2. I couldn’t even think of which 4 I would choose, honestly, none of them appealed to me– which told me that it wasn’t really the candy itself that I wanted, it was Veruca (that spoiled little girl!), being told no and throwing a tantrum.
  3. :::alert–this is the twisted one::: I spend a good part of the day bitching and pouting and threatening to eat the candy to Lonnie.  It wasn’t til the evening when he caught on to my shenanigans, had had enough, and finally said, “Go ahead.  Eat whatever you want, but I am not going to.” The wanting was instantly gone because I wasn’t getting the negative attention from him anymore.
New Mantra:
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD!!

You’re KILLIN’ ME, Bunny!

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), it was not lost on me that perhaps since I know that sugar is poison and really has no place in a healthy lifestyle, that I should not feed copious amounts of it to my kids on holidays.  Particularly since my son definitely has a penchant to overdo.  We recently stopped buying cereal after numerous warnings to him about the 1/4-1/2 cup of sugar we kept catching him adding to it.  I have no illusions that at 14 years old, I am going to convince him to not eat sugar all the time.  But I CAN control what he eats at home with us!

As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), I had SEVERAL moments of weakness.  The first of which was at Target when I was going to get the kids Peeps for their baskets with the sole purpose of my getting to eat some.  The Peeps stayed in the cart for about 3 minutes and then went back on the shelf.  This shit is not easy.  My brain is a battlefield of;

“Maybe just a few pieces…”  
“Maybe we should just take the weekend off and start back on Monday….” 
“Wow, some of those m&ms in the microwave would be just perfect……” 

I did not give in to the spoiled little girl inside that wants what she wants when she wants it!!!  And I won’t today either. 

And WHY not?  Because I FEEL GOOD DAMNIT and I want to KEEP feeling good!