Motivation

Some snaps from the 21-day challenge that I just SLAYED AND TOOK NO PRISONERS!!!

On June 27th I went to the doctor because I was a sicky-sicky and concerned about possible Lyme disease.  Not only was the number on the scale was no bueno, but I also had high blood pressure, which has never been an issue for me (except when I was pregnant).  She suspected that the HBP was due to illness, but said, “Well when we make your appointment for your yearly physical, we will want to check that again and possibly need to start treating it.”  We all know what that means. Drugs.  No, thank you.

I had already been exercising, and trying (<–note the word trying) to eat right, but I left at appointment feeling the need to kick things into gear and get into shape.  Part of my daily motivation was the August 25th appointment for a physical.  I daydream about going in and having a much better scale number and a normal blood pressure.  I daydream about the doctor (who I have never met) saying something about my weight and being able to say, "Well, as you can see, I have lost weight since my last visit here.  I run 3 miles every other day, and I do strength and flexibility training on the other days, so I'm good!"

Today they called and rescheduled my appointment for freaking October!  A tiny part of me feels like I have lost that ‘immediate motivator.’  I was even counting on that appointment to keep me in check during our upcoming trip to Vegas and Dallas since it was 2 days after arriving home.  Just a tiny part though… I have plenty of motivators in my husband, and even moreso the way I FEEL!  I am full of energy and yesterday I suddenly noticed that I had to be more careful shaving my legs because of the definition in my calves LOL!!!! 

I wasn’t going to join this month’s challenge group because we are traveling so much and have a lot going on, but maybe I should.  I may need those daily reminders and motivators.

How to win Couch to 5k

My traditional post-run “collapsed on the stairs at the end” selfie (and my Ennelle Sports bra–if ya gots the big boobies like me, this bra will be your bff! It locks the girls down like there is a riot in cell block 8!)

Listen.  I have started, stopped, finished, and quit C25k roughly 67 times over the past several years.  I now consider myself an expert.

  • My biggest success in this program has been when I combine it with leg strength stuff on non-run days.  Right now I am doing t25 (and sometimes Jillian for variety), and my legs are STRONG!  Strong legs= easier running!!

  • If you can’t complete all the run segments, do it again next time, don’t try and move on.  Except maybe that stupid, random 20 minute run in week 5.  Fuck that guy.

  • It doesn’t matter if you take longer to finish the program than the 8 weeks.  And that 8 week thing is kinda bullshit anyway because by the end of week 6, it’s just warm-up/ruuuuuuuuuunnnnnn/cool-down, no more intervals.

BUT

I talked with the trainer I hired last winter, and he was adamant that it shouldn’t really take any more than 2 weeks or so to move up and that if you can’t, then you need to work more on leg strength on off days, and also be less of a baby.

***Some days will inexplicably SUUUUUUUCK and you won’t even be able to get through what you got through just fine last time.  Shit happens.  When it’s around…. that time…. my legs sometimes feel like they are made of lead and I am running through jello.

The biggie for me that had to click is…  IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HARD!!!  IT’S EXERCISE!!  If you wait to move up a step until the run segments are “easy” ….you will never finish.  Look at the runners you see out and about every day.  They are breathing heavy, sweating, and sometimes look like they want to die.  It’s called running.

And now… some of the things that make me a happy running lady…..
Buddy Pouch  This thing RULES!!  It folds over your pants and magnets together, no arm-band for weird tans or chafing, or general annoyingness. Plus there is room for other stuff like a car/house key, credit card, money, condom, (hey… I don’t know what you do when you run…. #nojudgementzone)

Motorola S305 headphones.  I’ve tried em all, people. And I always come back to these babies.  Bluetooth, great sound, don’t fall out of my ears, and they are cheap.  Yes, we own 3 pairs because I have an irrational fear they will stop making them. (My oldest pair is over 5 years old and still going strong)  Disclaimer: they do get sweaty and gross, but that just makes me feel like a badass)
Nike Pegasus Zoom.  Sneakers.  ALSO have tried ’em all… Brook, adidas, reebok…. even the fancy Mizunos that supposedly teach you better form.  Then I bought these a Marden’s for cheap just for gyming– not running, and they turned out to be the most comfortable running shoes I have ever owned.  I always thought that I needed stability shoes because I am a fatty, but I recently learned that they were not good for my gait and encouraged ankle rolling.  Ain’t NOBODY got time for that!

Day 1 of FITNESS CHALLEGE #3

The goal of these Facebook challenges is to have bettered yourself in some way by the end of the 21 days.  It’s also based on the theory that it takes 21 days to make a habit.  Every day you get 1 point for an exercise photo and 1 point for a healthy eating photo, and every point is an entry for a drawing and a t-shirt.  I won a t-shirt last month!! WINNING!!

Last week was a break from the challenges for the holiday, but it wasn’t a break for me!  Lonnie has finally jumped on board with me and we kissed sugar goodbye last Sunday.  Honestly, for some reason it hasn’t even been that hard.  And it is AMAZING the changes that happen so quickly when junk food and sugar aren’t in my system…

  • I feel thinner and lighter within a couple days.  
  • My mental clarity and focus improve right away.  Which was AWESOME because it allowed me to get COMPLETELY caught up in my coursework. Having that hanging over my head was really bothering me.
  • I actually FEEL LIKE exercising, so it’s not forced and annoying.
  • ENERGY— I HAS IT!  We have made LOTS of progress around the house the past few days.  LOTS of dump trips, sorting, AND we redid Sean’s room for him (He wanted to move into Jessi’s room) and it looks AWESOME!! 

Having this to focus on has helped with the transition of Jessi moving away. Speaking of Jessi; she seems to be doing GREAT down in Richmond.  It’s clear to me now that a big part of this move was to gain some independence from me, so while it’s weird and a little sad for me to not know her every move and feeling and not talk to her as much as I used to.  It’s awesome that she is strong enough to take this step for herself!  Whoa…. typing that brought on the tears a little.  I thought I was done with those!!  DAMNIT!!

Off to pick up Sean who is doing his Monday jog up at the “track.” (air quotes because this is Winterport and the term track is very.  VERY. loose.  It’s really just a worn down path around a soccer field.)

FU July.

As I watch the second of our 2 cars being hauled off by a tow truck–both this morning, I thought myself, “WELL FUCK JULY SO FAR!”  Then I remembered my mom saying in an email the other day, “Blog, girl, blog.  It’s cheaper than psychotherapy 😉

So… July started with my baby moving 12 hours away, and not-at-all in the way we had planned.  The plan was to load her and her friend up in a moving truck, and wave goodbye as they drove off into the horizon.  Then her friend decided she couldn’t go for 2 more weeks, which threw Jessi (and the rest of us) in turmoil over whether or not to go or wait.  From a place of strength and determination, and despite being terrified,  Jessi decided just to go on her own.  ….which was great except we had to figure out how to get her, and at least SOME of her stuff there. After lots of discussion, we ended up buying her a plane ticket from Boston.  We would drive her down, stay one night down there with her, put her on the plane with 2 giant checked bags, and head home.  We also used http://www.busfreighter.com to ship her a bunch of boxes through greyhound.  Cheapest option by far; fingers crossed the boxes make it there.

Since I was dealing with all of Jessi’s stuff, and my emotions surrounding said ‘stuff,’ and was sick the whole beginning of the week with either the flu or Lyme, I totally flaked on my assignments due for school this week.  I did just get one done, but it was late, so I will be marked down, and I still have one more to get done.  I hate that shit.  I am a bit of a perfectionist about grad school.

One last tackle

Add onto this that this house is a complete shambles.  Since Jessi couldn’t take everything, she had to make choices about what she really wanted to keep and what she didn’t.  Since there was no time for her to dispose of (Goodwill, trash, friends, etc.doritos), it’s all left here for me to deal with.  Also, Sean is moving into her bedroom, and we are moving all of our clothes and stuff into his old room,  so that is also a work-in-progress-disaster.
Emotionally… well… I haven’t cried yet today-even while typing all this, so, just the fact that I consider that a triumph should hint to my recent emotional state.  I miss that girl like crazy!  My movie/shopping/cooking/roadtrip/hang out buddy is 12 hours away now 😦   …in a city all alone!

All I can picture is her when she looked like this, standing in the middle of Richmond, looking like this surrounded by her bags looking lost & confused —(Which is COMPLETELY not the case, BTW!  She is killing it!)

Saturday when we got home from Boston, I allowed myself ONE NIGHT to wallow in Doritos, sour cream, and rum.    Sunday morning we ALL,  even Sean, got back to healthy eating and exercise.   It feels good to be in control and mindful of the fact that I am going to want to eat junk because I am sad, but not giving in to that feeling!  The exercise and running has helped me immensely– just like it did when I went through my divorce.  Gives me something to focus on and also gets out the yucky energy!

Sean, Luna, and I out for an early run this morning… in between the cars breaking

Pound that pavement

Roadrunner back in action
Today I cried in my staff meeting.  Like a moron.  One of my coworkers talked about her daughter turning 18 and their great relationship and how she knows she will move out soon, but since they are so close she will see her all the time. All I could think about was Jessi’s impending departure.  I’ve actually been cool with it lately and thought I was over the hump.  I guess that’s not a thing.  Typing this now I realize I am totally full of shit.  Just last night we were looking at upcoming movie trailers and I was deep breathing and fighting tears because Lonnie, Jessi, and I watch EVERY horror movie that comes out… even the dumb ones like Unfriended.  (OMG so… so…. bad)
Once I got home, I continued to feel “on the verge,” then Sean and his shenanigans pissed me off and my brain just frantically racing that it needed something, Lonnie to come home? a glass of wine? candy? A cry myself to sleep then nap?  When SUDDENLY…. it hit me.
I NEED A GOOD HARD FUCKING RUN! 
I didn’t even know what to do with that thought.  It’s been YEARS since that happened.  Probably around divorce time.  Honestly I pushed it away initially because it was so weird and went upstairs to force myself to take a nap.  But once I got up there, I thought to myself, “How STUPID are you to FIGHT OFF the urge you are having to go for a run, dumbass?”
So I did it.  Obviously there was a lot of walking as well… but there was definite pavement pounding and IT. FELT. AWESOME!!!!!

Run… walk…. run… die…..

OMG This photo is laughably terrible, but it’s me and I accept that.  (Although you would THINK Lonnie could have told me to pull my shirt down…lol  Actually… no, he would never suggest anything like that, goes completely against his philosophy of nakedness)  It was taken right after finishing Day 1 of the Couch to 5k program.  I wonder how many “day 1s” I of this stupid program I have done?

Not gonna lie, it did NOT go well.  I was able to do with without walking at all, but in the past I have started day 1 and then skipped up a couple weeks because it was so easy.  It was not so easy for either Lonnie, or me.  BUT I felt awesome afterwards and am glad to be back out there.  I really think having this to focus on will help with the wide array of emotions going on around here!!  I still can’t believe my kid is moving 12 hours away.  To be honest… I still DON’T entirely believe it and am still in “I’ll believe it when I see it” mode. 

New trip…. New goal.

We have an exciting new trip on the very distant horizon.  We are all super excited about it!!  And then…..

WA
WA
WAAAAA

I start researching our little mini-trip adventures and one of the ones that I am most excited about has a weight limit.  And I am 50 pounds over.  That is a lot of weight to lose.  FORTUNATELY, I have eleven months to do it.  UNFORTUNATELY, based on past experience, I lack confidence that I can do this.

I took the weekend to wallow in self-pity.  Then we went for a walk in the city forest, and I realized just how out-of-shape I am, and so then I wallowed in self-pity some more.  Not quite done with the wallowing, but tomorrow I plan to SPRING out of bed and get a good walk in before work.  Putting couch25k on the back-burner for now and am just going to walk walk walk walk walk walk……..

50 pounds to go……