The Bunny Lost

Weekly coffee selfie… new diningroom location!

It was a long day but I made it through.  Lonnie and I both came close to giving in when Sean came home with so, so much candy and was like a crack dealer trying to share it with us.  But we stood strong.   I kept thinking, “Well it’s not like I am not going to have sugar at some point, why not on a holiday?”  and wondering if perhaps this torturing myself was just hollowing out a hole in my brain and I am eventually just going to go batshit crazy and EAT ALL THE THINGS to attempt to fill it up.  the funny thing is, at one point Lonnie said, “Just go ahead, pick like 4 pieces and keep it to that.”

  1. :::insert spoiled voice::: I don’t WANT 4 stupid pieces.  I want 104.
  2. I couldn’t even think of which 4 I would choose, honestly, none of them appealed to me– which told me that it wasn’t really the candy itself that I wanted, it was Veruca (that spoiled little girl!), being told no and throwing a tantrum.
  3. :::alert–this is the twisted one::: I spend a good part of the day bitching and pouting and threatening to eat the candy to Lonnie.  It wasn’t til the evening when he caught on to my shenanigans, had had enough, and finally said, “Go ahead.  Eat whatever you want, but I am not going to.” The wanting was instantly gone because I wasn’t getting the negative attention from him anymore.
New Mantra:
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD!!

Yikers! Days 19, 20 AND 21!

Today is a holiday for the kids, not for me.  So as I am on-call, I just said goodbye to them as they headed off TO THE GYM TOGETHER!!

GOOD LORD I DID SOMETHING RIGHT!!!

Monday selfie- coffee happened much earlier on the road!

The weekend was very blah, but also very YAY!  On Saturday Lonnie was gone all day at a coughcoughgamingconventioncoughcough.  I knew that he would eat “off plan” since he was out all day, so as I drove to the grocery store I gave myself permission to also have a little treat/splurge.  I thought ALL the way there about what I have really missed and really would like and came up with NOTHING.  My old favorite sweet treats like cake… ice cream… candy…. no thanks, the thought of them just made me feel a little sick to my stomach.  (You know… like that feeling you have after eating too many pancakes and then someone offers you a cinnamon bun?)  So no sweets.  Ooooh!  How about chips?  Cheez-its (my lifelone nemesis)?  Saltines?  While I easily could have stomached those things.  I quickly sent my mind to the way I feel after… and during… eating them.  I feel bloated.  I feel unhealthy.  I feel like eating MORE AND MORE AND MORE bad stuff.  THAT was the biggy for me.  Eating those types of foods just makes your body want MORE MORE MORE!  (Which is why cheat days don’t work!)  So I stuck to plan and had no regrets because I felt great all weekend and yesterday watched and listened to Lonnie struggle with feeling “eaty” all day.  (And of course took the opportunity to brag a little about how I was not feeling “eaty” because I didn’t eat crap :::wink:::)

Day 15 and 16

15 steps foward and 1 step back is still 14 steps forward!

I planned like a fiend for my possibly busy Monday.  I made a chopped salad and brought it with me to the office to eat before or between clients.

I did NOT plan for finishing up with a client that took 4 hours, and then being sent in a ‘no-time-to-sit-and-eat-your-salad’ rush to meet with a bunch more clients at a hospital an hour away.

So I left my salad in the fridge for today.   And I got Mcdonald’s.  I could easily have made a better choice by picking up some nuts and fruit or veggies at the store and munching those in the car on the way to Dover.  I could have even still made a reasonable choice at McDonald’s and kept the carbs low by getting an Egg Mcmuffins and not eating the muffin part, but I didn’t do that either.  I got my favorite #2 with the cheesburgers plain.  And it was delicious!  HOWEVER…. I then let it open the floodgates because once at the hospital, one of the doctors had brought in some hot homemade bread and I was all….”well….. I mean I already had Mcdonalds today…….” and had 3 slices, with butter of course 😉

(cough cough and I had a Ghirardelli chocolate caramel square. cough cough)

I woke up this morning feeling gassy and blech.  I am glad I recognized feeling not as good as I have the past few weeks because of food and I am trying to really focus on that and not on how delicious that bread and Mcds was— the chocolate, I honestly didn’t even really enjoy.  I hopped right back onto the wagon this morning and my beautiful salad was patiently waiting for me 🙂

BTW…. I am watching the Biggest Loser and today they are being forced to eat “bad foods” like fettucine alfredo, mac and cheese, nachos, pizza…. You know, all the stuff that made them fat.  And I find it hysterical that they are ALL acting like it doesn’t even taste good and it’s sooooooo disgusting.  That is PURE UTTER BULLSHIT!!  You know they fucking loved every damn bite.  It’s only week 2 for cryin’ out loud, they haven’t ‘lost the taste for junk’ ….honestly I am not sure you EVER lose the taste for fettucine alfredo.  It’s freaking SCIENCE to love that shit!

Day 1 1

Well I was a bit lazy today,  but sticking to keeping the sugar down.   I was hankering for something sweet,  so I made one of my old standby concoctions that I use when low-carbing.   Whipping cream with a squirt of my sugar free vanilla sweetener,  drizzled with 2 tablespoons of melted (in the microwave with a little of the cream to make a ganache) semisweet chocolate chips,  and sprinkled with pecans.   Obviously this is an occasional indulgence,  but still a better choice for me than the crap I usually eat.

I actually ALMOST ran today and then foolishly decided to wait til Sean got home and I was going to make him go with me.  …between my urge to run in 39 degrees and Seans school bus arrival,  the urge disappeared.