We have an exciting new trip on the very distant horizon. We are all super excited about it!! And then…..
I start researching our little mini-trip adventures and one of the ones that I am most excited about has a weight limit. And I am 50 pounds over. That is a lot of weight to lose. FORTUNATELY, I have eleven months to do it. UNFORTUNATELY, based on past experience, I lack confidence that I can do this.
I took the weekend to wallow in self-pity. Then we went for a walk in the city forest, and I realized just how out-of-shape I am, and so then I wallowed in self-pity some more. Not quite done with the wallowing, but tomorrow I plan to SPRING out of bed and get a good walk in before work. Putting couch25k on the back-burner for now and am just going to walk walk walk walk walk walk……..
50 pounds to go……
|Instead if the “weekly shows nothing selfie,
Here is one that actually does show something.
And you know what? I don’t even hate it.
We’ve taken a few days off. Not completely off, but a bit relaxed. We had some cake for Sean’s birthday. And Sean requested birthday lasagna as well. Damn my lasagna is good. I did do some little things to create the illusion of control …like make a smaller pan of lasagna. And other than those things over the weekend, I stayed away from sugar. Including that Easter candy that continues to linger around the house.
Then yesterday I continued to be “off it” a bit. I had a busy day and not-gonna-lie, the second I went out the door, I knew I was going to use my business as an excuse to have my favorite McDonald’s meal —even though I easily could have made a better choice. Verruca (and Ms. PMS) wanted it…. and Colleen gave in. Then when I got home from work, there were 2 pieces of cake left and I did my old… “Well… I already had McDonald’s…. may as well have a piece and get it out of here……”
Blogging this morning felt essential to get myself back on track before going completely off the rails again like we did after vacation.
BY THE WAY!!! the “getting up at 9am every day thing” has been FANTASTIC!! There had been a few days where I have fought it a bit, but Lonnie relentlessly texted and called me to make sure I got up. I can’t believe how much more shit I have gotten done because I just have so much more time and FELT like it!!! It’s already become a bit of a habit, as this morning, I did NOT want to get up, but was WIDE awake and ended up getting up since I couldn’t force myself to go back to sleep. So…. WINNING!!!
|Weekly coffee selfie… new diningroom location!
It was a long day but I made it through. Lonnie and I both came close to giving in when Sean came home with so, so much candy and was like a crack dealer trying to share it with us. But we stood strong. I kept thinking, “Well it’s not like I am not going to have sugar at some point, why not on a holiday?” and wondering if perhaps this torturing myself was just hollowing out a hole in my brain and I am eventually just going to go batshit crazy and EAT ALL THE THINGS to attempt to fill it up. the funny thing is, at one point Lonnie said, “Just go ahead, pick like 4 pieces and keep it to that.”
- :::insert spoiled voice::: I don’t WANT 4 stupid pieces. I want 104.
- I couldn’t even think of which 4 I would choose, honestly, none of them appealed to me– which told me that it wasn’t really the candy itself that I wanted, it was Veruca (that spoiled little girl!), being told no and throwing a tantrum.
- :::alert–this is the twisted one::: I spend a good part of the day bitching and pouting and threatening to eat the candy to Lonnie. It wasn’t til the evening when he caught on to my shenanigans, had had enough, and finally said, “Go ahead. Eat whatever you want, but I am not going to.” The wanting was instantly gone because I wasn’t getting the negative attention from him anymore.
IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FOOD!!
As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), it was not lost on me that perhaps since I know that sugar is poison and really has no place in a healthy lifestyle, that I should not feed copious amounts of it to my kids on holidays. Particularly since my son definitely has a penchant to overdo. We recently stopped buying cereal after numerous warnings to him about the 1/4-1/2 cup of sugar we kept catching him adding to it. I have no illusions that at 14 years old, I am going to convince him to not eat sugar all the time. But I CAN control what he eats at home with us!
As I filled many little fake plastic eggs for my way-too-old-for-this children (one of which is 20), I had SEVERAL moments of weakness. The first of which was at Target when I was going to get the kids Peeps for their baskets with the sole purpose of my getting to eat some. The Peeps stayed in the cart for about 3 minutes and then went back on the shelf. This shit is not easy. My brain is a battlefield of;
“Maybe just a few pieces…”
“Maybe we should just take the weekend off and start back on Monday….”
“Wow, some of those m&ms in the microwave would be just perfect……”
I did not give in to the spoiled little girl inside that wants what she wants when she wants it!!! And I won’t today either.
And WHY not? Because I FEEL GOOD DAMNIT and I want to KEEP feeling good!
Today as I slid on my jeans for work… I was actually planning on probably having to slide them back off again because they were too tight. NOPE! If anything, they were looser! As planned, while in Mexico, I ate and drank everything I wanted to. Fortunately, that is a LOT of great fresh Mexican food! I never really eat junk food in Mexico because it’s all just weird stuff. Even if I am feeling snacky, and go into a corner store, I almost always come out empty handed because 1. I don’t know what anything is and 2. None of it looks appetizing to me.
My downfall was traveling home. I am VERY CAREFUL about what I eat around plane trips for fear of a repeat of the puking incident, but once we got back in Boston …and ended up stranded there for 2 days (thank you American Airlines for losing the one bag with our car keys in it). I must admit, all bets were off. A combo of emotions and “let’s eat all the bad stuff before getting back on it Monday, ” led to a weekend of debauchery.
- There was a mini Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough cup
- There was chinese take-out
- There was Carrabas bread and lobster ravioli (with the insides squished out because it was nasty)
My only saving grace was that it was all vending machine food, so all small bags 😉
Back to it today. Fought a lot of urges to make cupcakes and eat bad food because I have a nasty cold and feel like shit. But I didn’t. I made delicious salad (I actually missed salad and craved it in Mexico!), and Lonnie made a wonderful Pezole soup that was JUST what the doctor ordered for my cold.
I did have an egg Mcmuffin for breakfast because I overslept and then had to rush off to work. But there are certainly worse things, and I didn’t let it make me think the whole day was ruined.
|Luna looks on in the kitchen as the crazy lady takes a yoga selfie
I can’t believe that I am on day 30 and still going strong! I guess since it’s been a month now, I should do a little run-down of changes that I have or have not noticed.
Things that have not changed….
- I am still fat. (I shouldn’t say things like that, I know…. positive self talk… blah blah blah….)
- I still have a LOT of bags of clothes that are waiting for me to be smaller so that I can wear them.
- I cannot run 3 miles without walking at all.
- I still do not go to the gym or exercise as much as I would like to
- I still love Justin Bieber
- And One Direction.
Things that HAVE changed….
- I have LESS fat on my body.
- The button on my jeans is not standing on the ledge threatening to of jump from the pressure it’s under.
- I can wear some of the clothes that I had not been wearing because they didn’t fit properply.
- I can run/walk in 1 minute intervals easily for 15 minutes (and surely more than that, but that is all I have done so far)
- I feel confident in the weight room at the gym, even when Lonnie is not there with me
- I LOOK FORWARD to Sunday yoga
- I don’t crave McDonald’s anymore. Or cheez its. Or sour patch kids.
- We have saved probably around $200-400 dollars this month because there is no more nightlt convenience store snack run. When I think of the shitty food and wasted money…. I almost didn’t even want to type that one out because it’s embarrassing.
- Much less alcohol is being consumed. We used to have a tradition of finding new wines to pair with our dinner on Wednesdays, and on weekends would have a couple drinks in the evening. BUT, even if I have one glass of alcohol, I feel like a zombie in the morning and have to drag my ass out of bed, and I don’t need excuses to not get up and going!! ESPECIALLY on Sunday mornings because I want to feel good for yoga!
- My skin is better, breakouts and blemishes are basically non-existent!
- I never have “stomach issues” anymore or wake up feeling gross
- There have also been some weird changes that may or may not be related….
- I get up earlier every day
- I make my bed every day
- I have started to enjoy folding and putting away laundry and it doesn’t just live in baskets anymore
WOW that is a big list of reasons to never stop living this way, and right now I honestly don’t even want to stop! I feel awesome, happy, energized, and confident!! GO ME!!
Still going string, which I honestly find rather odd. I think retraining my brain by reminding myself that sugar is the devil is actually working. “That Sugar Film” is really what drove this change. And I REALLY want it to stick! However, after I first watched ‘Supersize Me,’ I couldn’t eat McDonald’s for 6 months, and obviously that creeped it’s way back in, and that is EASY to avoid eating. Sugar is freaking EVERYWHERE!!
The times I falter, or waiver a bit, is when cooking for the family. For example… Tonight I am making Pot Roast. And on the side I am making Salt and vinegar potatoes that someone posted a few weeks ago and Lonnie and I have been obsessed with trying…but haven’t because they take so freaking long to cook!
My Pot Roast is fucking awesomesauce. And the most awesome part IS the sauce aka gravy! Flour is a no-no for me. But nor do I want to use weird low-carb chemically thickeners. Also… the family will organize a revolution if I mess with one of their favorite things that I only make 2-3 times a year!! So what should I do? Make it anyway? Don’t use the gravy on mine? ::::SAD FACE:::: Just have some since it’s not a regular occurrence? I…………….DON’T………………..KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today is a holiday for the kids, not for me. So as I am on-call, I just said goodbye to them as they headed off TO THE GYM TOGETHER!!
GOOD LORD I DID SOMETHING RIGHT!!!
|Monday selfie- coffee happened much earlier on the road!
The weekend was very blah, but also very YAY! On Saturday Lonnie was gone all day at a coughcoughgamingconventioncoughcough. I knew that he would eat “off plan” since he was out all day, so as I drove to the grocery store I gave myself permission to also have a little treat/splurge. I thought ALL the way there about what I have really missed and really would like and came up with NOTHING. My old favorite sweet treats like cake… ice cream… candy…. no thanks, the thought of them just made me feel a little sick to my stomach. (You know… like that feeling you have after eating too many pancakes and then someone offers you a cinnamon bun?) So no sweets. Ooooh! How about chips? Cheez-its (my lifelone nemesis)? Saltines? While I easily could have stomached those things. I quickly sent my mind to the way I feel after… and during… eating them. I feel bloated. I feel unhealthy. I feel like eating MORE AND MORE AND MORE bad stuff. THAT was the biggy for me. Eating those types of foods just makes your body want MORE MORE MORE! (Which is why cheat days don’t work!) So I stuck to plan and had no regrets because I felt great all weekend and yesterday watched and listened to Lonnie struggle with feeling “eaty” all day. (And of course took the opportunity to brag a little about how I was not feeling “eaty” because I didn’t eat crap :::wink:::)
|My weekly Monday morning iced-coffee photo that really illustrates nothing…lol
I have a love/hate relationship with Mondays. I enjoy my job, and Mondays are usually a day where I get to do the stuff I enjoy doing at work (as opposed to my overnight shifts where sometimes I have to do things that I were prefer not to do). So I look forward to Mondays. BUT… like anyone else, I hate when the weekend ends!
“Sticking to it” this weekend went GREAT! I had a 1/2 cup of rice in my taco bowl, and we put a little honey in our coconut shrimp batter, but all of those are still whole foods, and we kept it to a minimum, so YAY US! In the past, we have always had a “cheat day.” This time, since my current goal was is just stick to this for a month, I decided on no cheat days. This was a little scary. But you know what I have learned.
- Cheat days are just terrible.
- Cheat days teach you to look forward to a day of gluttony.
- Cheat days tell your brain that those are the “good foods” that you look forward to all week.
- Cheat days make you have to “start all over again” EVERY WEEK. Starting in the first place is hard enough!
- Cheat days allow you to eat foods that are SCIENTIFICALLY ENGINEERED to make your body crave more, making you literally have to withdraw/detox from all that shit every week. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FO THAT!
- Cheat days always have leftovers that you feel guilty about throwing away (you know… all those starving children in Africa ….or Detroit.), that stare you in the face the next morning begging you to just finish them off to get them out of the house.
EVERY TIME I have gone back to unhealthy eating, it has been when a ‘cheat day’ turned into a ‘cheat weekend,’ turned into a ‘well we don’t anything ‘good’ in the house Monday morning so let’s start tomorrow,’ turned into a, ‘well I am super busy at work and haven’t had time to grocery shop yet, so we may as well just call it off for this week…………..’ Every. Time.